Eternally Grateful

“I’m not exactly sure how, but I can tell you we’ll get through this. Just like we get through everything.”

This is what I do.  This is what I know.  I know, with every ounce of my soul that there is nothing that I can’t navigate us through.  I absolutely do not have all the answers all the time, but I most definitely can figure it out.  I may stumble and I may drop the ball a couple times along the way – but I don’t know what it means to give up, I can’t fathom the word defeat.

This life has made me strong.  When I can’t be strong, I can be resilient, and resourceful and smart. And let me tell you – determination takes you a fuck of a long way in and of itself, too. 

I couldn’t be everything that I need to be, for everyone that needs me, if it weren’t for the people in my life though.

Teleportation isn’t possible.  I do not have the ability to make time stand still. I cannot wish away the past, nor predict the future. There are only 24 hours in a day, and I do need sleep – even though I try to pretend that I don’t. Also, there is the unfortunate fact that I don’t have a clone.  My reach is still far though, and I still manage to take care of my little family.  I can’t claim to do it all myself – I just am not humanly capable. But we have people that care for us and help me when I need them to help – often times without me even asking. They offer their assistance when they know that I am struggling to make shit happen – and in their willingness to help, they enable me to make shit happen. There are times when I get overwhelmed, and I might lash out unnecessarily because I don’t always know how to say what I’m feeling.  And in those times when I am not feeling emotionally or mentally capable, there are people who listen.  In people’s willingness to listen to me when I am feeling broken, they enable me to put the pieces back together and continue to make shit happen. It isn’t always a physical assist that I need – often times it’s a mental boost, it’s an emotional pick up, it’s a pat on the back and reassurance that I can keep going . . . just a shoulder, just an ear, sometimes that’s all I need to keep moving forward, to keep navigating the often times less than stellar seas that make up this life of mine.

I’m not exactly sure how, but I can tell you I will get us through anything that comes our way. I was given this life because I was made for it.  I was given the resources I need to navigate us through it – the strength and resilience and brains. . . and let’s face it, stubbornness.  I am human, and I cannot be everywhere at once.  I have shortcomings, and I make mistakes – but at the end of the day, we always make it through to the next one.

I have been struggling for two days to put what I was feeling into words. I have probably written and deleted half a dozen drafts – none of them captured it. I gave up after staring at Rosalyn’s screen on and off for two hours this evening and laid down in my bed.  I knew I was too mentally exhausted to be able to form coherent sentences, so I was content with the idea of just listening to the rain fall. I hoped that the sound of tires on wet pavement would lull me to sleep.  As I was drifting off, I remembered the words I spoke this weekend, and the idea started to form.

It’s been a rough few days, in case you haven’t figured that out. Me and mine are just fine, I’ve got my rose-colored glasses on and I’m busy navigating. We just have some uncharted waters in front of us, that’s all – nothing that we can’t handle.  I really wanted to just give a big thank you to the people in our lives that make it possible for me to do all the things that I do and keep my sanity. 

I couldn’t be all that I am without the support system that I have.  We wouldn’t be where we are if it weren’t for the people that are there for us when we need them the most. There is absolutely no way that I could run two households by myself while keeping a full-time job and doing this writing thing that I do without the assistance that I have.

Today’s quote is another one about appreciating the people we have in our lives.  It seems to be one of the themes of the book, it comes up so often.

“Let us be grateful to people who make us happy. They are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.”

Marcel Proust

Without the people in my life, there is no way that I would be half of the person that I am, nor accomplish the things that I accomplish.  I am eternally grateful for these people, and I don’t think I could say it enough.

It’s getting on towards midnight now as I finish this up – the end of my Monday and the beginning of my Tuesday. So, happy beginning of the week. I hope that you are as blessed as we are and have people that support you and make your life easier whenever possible.

Photo by Roberto Delgado on Unsplash