I think I’m taking a social break today.
Occasionally, I need this. I need to cut myself off from people for a day to just concentrate on myself.
Yesterday was extremely social, and a little overwhelming. I’ve also spent the last several weeks talking to and visiting with friends more than is normal.
Those that know me well understand this part of me. They know that this happens from time to time, and don’t take offense to it.
Generally speaking on days where I close myself off from people, I spend it at home. My car doesn’t leave the garage and I tend to relax. While I technically am working by writing, I of course don’t view this as a job. Getting my thoughts out is a form of self-care.
After writing yesterday morning’s post, I decided I was doing all the things. My old roommate got a hold of me and said that she was going to be able to come around noon. I had the grocery pickup at 1pm. I figured on my way out to Sophia’s I’d stop by the tattoo place and see if he could do the two pieces I need done – my parents signatures, in case you missed that post. Then I would go out to Sophia’s. I wasn’t sure how this was going to work, because often after getting a tattoo I am completely drained. But they’re not super intricate pieces, so I thought I could probably pull it off.
Helen arrived a little after noon, bringing me the Bible she had found that had been my mother’s. It turned out to actually be a Bible that Mom had given me when I was a kid, dated March of 1997. As soon as I saw it I remembered it, and was glad to have it.
“I didn’t want to just mail it,” she told me, standing in the doorway. We stood and talked for a little while about our kids. I called Matthew down to introduce them. I explained to him that she had been there when I found out I was pregnant for him.
I hadn’t seen Helen since I moved out of the apartment we all shared in December of 2004 – wait, I take that back. I went to see her son play soccer once many, many years ago. I barely even remember it. Through social media we had kept in contact somewhat and watched our children grow up. I used to baby sit her oldest while she worked. I’ll never forget walking into the first apartment we shared, carrying the little boy and my brother behind me. I flipped on the living room light and a bat swooped in my direction. I screamed, and covering the boy’s head, I ran to my bedroom to hide while my brother caught the bat and let it outside. All the while, Mr. Curious toddler wanted to go out into the main part of the apartment to see the bat. I might have been 19 years old, and him only two or so.
Now he’s graduated high school.
Wild how fast time flies.
With that accomplished, I headed to pick up the groceries, and then to the tattoo place.
I had originally been on the fence about getting my tattoos done yesterday, because I knew I was expected out at Sophia’s. But I do really want to check this item off my list, so I decided to stop and see if I could get them done.
Turned out, he had someone in his chair already, and wouldn’t be done for over an hour.
I just didn’t have that kind of time. I told him I’d stop back out next weekend, and headed to Sophia’s.
If it was meant to happen yesterday, he would have had time for me. That’s how I looked at that.
Out at Sophia’s, I sat with her and our friend Ava as they made a couple t-shirts. Their husbands were outside, cooking for an event that they were catering for. We discussed starting a Facebook page for their business, and they asked me to write stuff for it. “Absolutely,” I said. “You feed me, I write for you.” Everyone laughed. “It’s the barter system,” I shrugged, bringing more laughter.
Ava, Sophia and I ended up heading out to the campground while the guys delivered their catering. We were immediately met with a neighbor shouting out to us, “Come over and try this shot!”
“So it’s gonna be that kind of night?” I said to Sophia as we unloaded.
It ended up being something that I had been meaning to try, a peanut butter whiskey. I generally steer clear of whiskey and tequila, as I had seen the way those particular types of alcohol had effected my parents. But one shot wasn’t going to turn me into a drunken monster. It was smooth and actually pretty good. I knew Ava had a drink up her sleeve too, having discussed it with her the previous evening. I grabbed an Angry Orchard from the fridge, but nursed it for these reasons. I don’t like to stay away from home, so I am careful about alcohol consumption when I know I have to drive.
Slowly, people began to filter in from around the campground, and it wasn’t long before the deck was filled.
It was a hub of activity, with stories being exchanged, and one of the girls selling color street nail polish strips. I began to feel a little overwhelmed with the activity, and when I noticed Ava get up and start to prepare her drink, I took the opportunity to break away and help her.
It was one of the most fun drinks I’ve ever seen, combining Malibu rum, several fruit juices, ice, the Smirnoff red, white and berry drinks, and topped with fruit.
Regrettably, I couldn’t drink the whole bucket – it was delicious. By this time it was 8pm. I’ve noticed here recently when I’m away from home, I become itchy around 830 or so to be on my way. After a few sips from the bucket, I passed it off to someone else, and found something to eat. I left before 9pm and headed home. I felt a horrendous headache brewing as I drove, but took a moment to take in the beauty of a cloud formation in front of me.
Yesterday was a good example of the quote of the day.
“‘You have some queer friends, Dorothy.’ she said.
‘The queerness doesn’t matter, so long as they’re friends.’ was the answer.” – L Frank Baum
I have such an eclectic group of people that make up my life. Both of the boys families, including their dad’s significant others, people from high school, people that I’ve met on my journey these last few years. . . .
I’ve talked a lot of my friends this last little bit, because it’s them that are there for me when the shit hits the fan. Their differing personalities give me the balance I need. I myself am made up of many different facets – quiet and observant, loud and obnoxious, overly thoughtful, reclusive and social, and a lack of give a fuck that is rather large for someone who is so empathetic. These different personality traits draw different kinds of people to me. I need these different kinds of people to appeal to the different moods. I need these different types of people to balance me – when I’m being too over the top, when I’m being too quiet and withdrawn, I know I can call on them and they’ll even me out. For someone who is so self-reliant, I’ve recently found a need to lean on these people to get me through this mind-fuck that I’m dealing with. I don’t know how I would have coped without my friends. They don’t have to know details, they don’t ask questions. If I want to talk, they listen. But if I just need a distraction, they are more than willing to provide it.
This is how I’m taking the quote. The types of people I surround myself with vary so drastically that to get them all together in a room would be quite an interesting sight. I don’t even know that they would all get along due to their varying personalities. The loud obnoxious ones would likely irritate my more quiet friends, the quiet ones would seem to be sticks in the mud to the rambunctious ones. . .
But then again, they all like me, and I have all of these personality traits and then some.
Regardless of the fact that not one of my close friends is much like another, they are my friends – thick or thin, they’re there for me. And that’s really all that matters. They celebrate my successes with me, they are my shoulder to lean on when times are hard, and they are all absolutely wonderful, caring people.
It doesn’t matter how odd they are. It’s their intentions that matter. I’ve made a point to only surround myself with genuine people in these last few years, and they are all definitely that – as genuinely themselves as I myself am.
So while today I am feeling rather reclusive, I am thinking of my friends. Because no matter what, I can rely on them to be by my side – reclusive or social, depressed and anxious or ecstatically hopeful. They are exactly what I need to get through this absolutely insanely fucked up world, and I don’t know where I would be without them.