I rolled over and looked at my phone. 457am.
“What in the actual fuck?” I mumbled. “Absolutely fucking not.” and I rolled back over to attempt to fall back asleep.
I came home last night, and finally receiving the email that my first article had been accepted (yay!) I had intentions on staying home and writing some articles and making some money. I sat at my computer browsing catogories to write on, and nothing was peaking my interest. I hadn’t gotten the best rating on my article, so I knew I needed to kick it up a notch. In order to do that perhaps I needed to write on something that at least interested me.
I had posted to the Facebook page about my article acceptance, but hadn’t bothered to call Sophia – I knew she was likely spending time with her husband because he had been gone on a work trip. When my phone rang and her name popped up on my screen, I was surprised.
“Um, why didn’t you call me to tell me your article was accepted?!” she asked.
This is why I love her.
I ended up driving out there instead of writing. I sat with her and a group of friends on her back patio, bullshitting about life. I was congratulated multiple times on my new venture.
I made it a short visit though – I was bone tired, and had plans to get up this morning and actually write an article or two.
As I drove home, lightening lit up the dark clouds rolling in. It was absoultely stunning. I remembered how as a kid I had been terrified of storms. I used to stay up until the storm had passed, watching the weather channel, often waking my dad with my crying. He would sit there and watch the weather with me, and explain the radar we were watching to me. I was a little younger than Chase.
Now I see their beauty. The way the lightening lit the sky, and made the dark clouds different shades of purple and blue. . . The colors of an angry bruise. Storms bring healing, I now see. Water the earth, blow some shit around, yell and scream. . . and then the rainbow.
I managed to get in bed a little after 11pm. I was dead to the world until 457am, and then tried to sleep in a little more. I gave up about 530am though, and laid there clearing notifications and searching for posts for the blog page. I finally rolled out of bed a little before six, my to-do list rolling through my brain.
I made coffee, and ran a bath, and afterwards proceeded to clean the bathroom. Sophia had text me a couple times as I was cleaning, and I finally decided to finish cleaning and then call her. I sprayed both mirrors with Windex, cleaned one and went to the one over the sink. As I wiped it, it came loose from the mirror clips holding it to the wall, and I was left trying to catch a heavy wall mirror, with both a Windex bottle and paper towels in my hands.
Somehow I managed to do so, and after tossing a couple things off the counter I also managed to lean the stupid thing against the wall.
I gave up the cleaning venture and called Sophia.
“I almost just died.” I said when she answered.
“It’s only 7am.” she said, bewilderment in her voice.
“Yeah, well ya know. I got up at six, took a bath, and was cleaning the bathroom. . . Like I do every Saturday morning. I went to clean the mirror and the motherfucking thing fell off the goddamn wall and almost fell on my fucking head.”
Silence for a beat from Sophia, and then – “are you fucking serious?”
“YES! I mean, in all my years of property management I have never had a mirror fall off a fucking wall. Oh, my God. Let a fucking mirror fall off a wall onto one of my residents. . .”
As I was saying this, I went for my cigarettes. . .
Not in my purse. Not on the counter.
“Fucking hell, don’t tell me I left my cigarettes outside,” I said. I had noted that the storm had in fact rolled in and everything was wet.
“Let me call you back. I apparently decided to leave half a pack of cigarettes outside, and it was my last pack. I have to run to the gas station.”
I hung up and grabbed my purse and keys, and jumped in my car.
“Is this how today’s gonna be?” I wondered out loud as I turned my car around in the driveway. I went to pull out, and noticed a boy of about sixteen or seventeen walking towards me. I gauged the traffic and pulled forward, thinking I had time before he got to my driveway to be out of his way so he didn’t have to stop walking and wait for me. I was wrong though, as the car I was waiting for was driving at a snails pace. He stopped a few feet from my car, and as I watched the car creep past me and looked in his direction I noticed he had the biggest, most amazing smile on his face. It was a smile you couldn’t help but return. It brightened my mood exponentially. To see this young man out walking and in such a good mood so early in the morning . . . these are the things that make me realize that humanity isn’t completely fucked.
I drove up to the corner and walked into the gas station, hair still wet from my shower and in my comfortable clothes – I had intended on cleaning the house and sitting down to write this morning, not being out in public. Oh well. Let them judge.
As I drove back home I saw the boy walking, and he smiled at me as I drove by.
I proceeded to call Sophia back, and as I stood in the garage smoking, he walked back the way he had come – waving at me like we were old friends.
This is what I mean, folks. That boy turned my whole mood around with his bright friendliness, as if he knew that I needed a bright spot this morning. You just never know how you’re going to touch someone’s life.
So now here I sit – house cleaned, laundry going, a plan for the rest of my day slowly in the works. 1pm grocery pick up, waiting for my old roommate to let me know if she’s going to stop by. I’m weighing the pros and cons of getting my tattoos today, and a trip to Sophias – whether it’s the campground or her house remains to be seen. I need to take Matt to his friends house, too. After my encounter with the boy, things went much more smoothly. I’m going to knock out at least one article today, if not two. We’ll see how it goes. I’m also still debating on taking the offer from the other company, too. Pros and cons to the additional project.
There’s nothing certain in this life, and there’s always a decision to make. That decision could change your whole day, or your whole life for that matter. If you think of it that way, that’s a lot of pressure.
You can’t be indecisive, though. It’s okay to weigh pros and cons, but to think too hard is to let an opportunity pass you by. Every decision brings a new opportunity – whether it’s good or bad. You learn and grow with every decision. You have to follow your gut. Maybe the decision you make ends well and takes you down the path you want to go down. And that’s great. But maybe it ends up taking you down a different path – a painful path, a path that is bumpy and wrought with more messes than you had wanted or anticipated.
That’s okay, too. Because you learn from these types of paths. You’ll know better next time, and you’ll know yourself better at the end of it.
I’m going to try to not think to hard about the decisions I have to make today. I’m going to to follow my gut and do what feels right, and see where it takes me.