Embrace the Moment

Well, I’m a glutton for punishment I suppose. Not enough sleep last night, either.

I wrote out yesterday’s quote post, watered my thirsty gardens, and went and got Matt from his friends. On a whim we went to Sonic for shakes. The line was horrendous, but we spent the time laughing and joking.

“Mom, didn’t there used to be a Savers over here somewhere?” He asked, looking around while we sat in line.

“Yeah, but they closed it. It’s a Goodwill now.” I answered. He had noted that the Elder Beerman and Sears was now closed. We hadn’t been to Sonic in ages, which was right near the two stores. They sat vacant now, looking sad and the abandonment clear.

Goodwill.” He said with disgust. “They ruin everything.” I laughed at his observation.

“Savers was kinda pricey,” I answered.

“Yeah, but I feel like they had better quality stuff,” he countered. “I mean, you can find like time capsules there.” I laughed at this, because when he was Chase’s age he had found a kids safe and bought it, even though he couldn’t figure out how to open it. He brought it home, and his smart little self tried combination after combination until he got it open, and found a treasure trove of old toys inside. “I mean, at Goodwill you’ll find. . . Lice. And a couple used Band-Aids.” I laughed hard at this. The child has a gift of sarcasm and wit that I could never top.

We sat in line and chit chatted for almost half an hour. I enjoy my time with my oldest. He is more open minded and intelligent than many adults I know. It’s not like I’m talking to a fourteen year old kid; it’s like I’m talking to a well educated adult, who’s just a little naive.

We drove home, talking about 90s hip-hop – Bone Thugs had come on the radio as we sat at a light and I changed the station. “Ugh. I hate that song,” I said.

“I’ve never heard any of their stuff,” Matthew said. He’s a 90s hip-hop enthusiast, so that kind of shocked me a little.

“I only like one song by them, and that’s Crossroads.” I told him. “I think you’d like it, look it up when we get home.”

“Okay,” he said, nodding. Even though he has a different genre appreciation than I do in music, he does still have that appreciation. I’m glad I gave that to my kids. It will only get stronger with time, and I hope they find the solace that I do in it. Music is indeed medicine.

Once home, I sat down and prepared to go over my budget. I jumped on Facebook real quick first though to check the Facebook blog page, and noted Andy was online. I decided to video call him via messenger.

And that’s how I didn’t get to bed until midnight.

He answered and we began to banter, as always. Andy is one of my least serious friends, and always has a smart ass remark.

“Why are you all sparkly and shit?” He asked me, peering closely at the video screen.

“Um, I eat glitter for breakfast.” I retorted, quoting a shirt I just found, ironically, at Goodwill shopping a couple weeks ago. I smiled my biggest smart ass smile at him and batted my eyelashes.

“What?! Are you drunk?” He asked suspiciously.

I laughed. “Nope. Only slept three hours last night,”

“Oh, so basically the same thing.” And he rolled his eyes.

I then explained that my make up had shimmer in it, and depending on how the light hits me it sparkles. “I read a quote one time that said ‘leave a little sparkle wherever you go.’ I just took it literally.”

“You’re ridiculous.” He said, shaking his head.

“I’m aware,” I answered.

We talked for quite some time after, touching on my new venture and raising kids and our other current life events. Out of nowhere I felt the tired hit me, and I realized it was nearing 1130pm. I ended the conversation with regret, but knew I needed at least a little more sleep than I had the night before. I showered and hit my bed, and the next thing I knew my 530am alarm was waking me up.

I rolled over and went back to sleep. Fuck it.

I managed to get up a little before 630, but I opted to not write this morning. Instead I went over my budget and paid some bills. I have to admit, having some flexibility with that work schedule is nice. I did get another email acceptance letter, offering me a freelance job simar to the one I’ve already taken on. The pay is considerably less. I haven’t immediately dismissed it, I’ll wait a couple days and think it over. It’s nice to have not just received one, but two opportunities like this. It just solidifies the fact that I’m good at this art of mine.

I’m trying like hell to stay motivated at work, but it’s proving hard. I started this post on the back porch this morning, waiting for it to be time to leave for work, and now that I’m here I’m anxious for the day to be over.

I’m not sure what my weekend has in store for me. My tattoo artist confirmed that I can just walk in to get my next pieces done, so there’s that option. My old roommate contacted me last night to let me know she found a Bible that had been my mother’s that must have somehow got packed with her things when we moved, and wants to bring it to me. I’m sure there’s a visit to Sophia’s in there somewhere, too. Today I’m tired though, and just want some peace and quiet. I’ll have a better idea what I’m in the mood for tomorrow, after I have hopefully gotten some rest.

Anyway, enough of my rambling. For today’s quote:

“Everything that’s lovely is but a brief dreamy kind of delight.” – W.B. Yeats

Another lesson in the fact that you should always enjoy the little things. . . You never know when your life will change, and something that was wonderful will be gone.

You never know when it’s the last time. I didn’t know that the last time I would talk to my dad would be the last, I didn’t realize that one day I would help my son with his bath and then over night he would become independent and capable of doing it on his own. Too many times I’ve woken up next to someone, and had no idea that I would fall asleep by myself that night. I didn’t know that the days events would result in the demise of our relationship, and I would never know what it was to sleep next to them again. Unfortunately I know all too well what this quote means. It means that you shouldn’t take anything for granted. You never know when it’s the last time.

Again, this quote is coming at a time when I’ve been reflecting on memories of things that I miss. Things that while I didn’t take them for granted, I didn’t realize that they would, at some point, only be memories. I have been very busy burying my feelings, and haven’t taken time to reflect on much, other than keeping my mind occupied. I’m trying really fucking hard to embrace my feelings and actually feel them when they come, as they come. But when you’re driving down the road and a beautiful memory hits you like a ton of bricks and you realize that you will never experience that joy again? Oh. It’s hard to embrace that. It’s hard to drive when your eyes are clouded with tears.

Embrace the beautiful moments. Embrace them while you have them. Embrace the people you love. They could be gone so fast, and so soon. They grow up or pass away, or they decide that they need to take a different path than the one you’re on together. Every moment may be the last, every conversation or hug, every joke or quiet moment together. In the moment it’s hard to realize these things, but I for one always keep it in the back of my mind. I try like hell to let people know that their time and presence is appreciated. I know all too well what it is to wake up one day with someone missing from your life that had been an intricate part of it. I always want the memories I have of people that are gone from my life to be pleasant ones, even if the memories sometimes cut my emotions wide open.

Happy Friday. Embrace the moment today.

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