Yesterday turned out the exact opposite of what I had anticipated, and sometimes those are the best days.
I was still on this slightly angry kick, and having to go into work at 1030pm the previous night, and knowing the issue that caused me having to go in wasn’t totally fixed didn’t improve the mood I woke up in. Knowing I had a clusterfucky day in front of me, I woke and switched from Fever 333 to Hyro the Hero. “‘Cause one thing, I ain’t never been afraid,” Hyro sang, and I felt the lyrics in my bones. I can’t recall ever having been afraid of anything I’ve run up against in this life of mine. I just take care of whatever issue is in front of me.
And so I did just that. I adjusted my crown and handled it, addressing each and every issue that was on my plate at the start of the day, and some that I hadn’t been able to get to all week. I checked each thing on my to-do list off, and then some.
Early in the day Sophia had called and invited me to go with her on a shirt delivery to a local bar/music venue. Sophia and a mutual friend make shirts and sell them as a kind of side hustle. Knowing my love for music, Sophia has been trying to get me out to the venue for almost a year, but it’s never worked out. Tonights plan was to go drop off the shirt, have a beer or two, and leave. Nothing extravagant. It didn’t seem this time was going to work out either though, as my Chaser was home for the weekend. I immediately declined the invitation for that reason.
As my day progressed and I got shit done, my mood improved. The more I thought about it, the more I wanted to go with her. So on my way home, I called her.
She answered and I immediately said “I want to go with you!!!”
“You do?! Okay!” she said, sounding excited. “What about the kids?”
“I’ll feed them real quick, and head out. . . it’s only going to be for a couple hours, right?”
“Yeah! Okay, let me know when you’re on your way.”
So I stopped home, and knowing it was hot as balls and not anticipating doing anything fancy, I changed into shorts and my unstoppable tank top – because that was exactly how I felt. Un-fucking-stoppable. I instructed Matthew to make pizzas for him and Chase, told them and Grandma I’d be home in a little bit, and made the drive out to Sophia’s.
Hyro accompanied me on my drive, feeding my unstoppable feeling. I love when I’m in that mood. It’s a mood that doesn’t allow for any bullshit from anyone, it’s a mood that says fuck anyone who doubts me and my abilities. There’s nothing that anyone could do or say to make me think less of what I can accomplish. I wanted more than anything to have a fun filled evening – I didn’t know what to expect when we arrived, I had never been inside the venue. I didn’t know if there would be a band tonight or not. All I knew is that it was a bar and one of the highlights was that they hosted live music. The potential of hearing live music had me a little excited. I knew I couldn’t stay late, I needed to get home to write and to water the gardens with my Chaser. But to just hear a real, live guitar. . . One could hope.
I arrived at Sophia’s, and we headed out to the venue. We stepped inside the bar, and we were immediately met with a pretty little bartender wanting to know what we were drinking. I asked if they had my angry orchard, and shockingly they did. I’ve run into multiple places not carrying it right now, making me wonder if production was behind. I took it as a sign that it was going to be a good evening, right from that moment.
We talked with people, and stepped outside to explore the extensive property, exclaiming over the potential. There was a lot of history there, and I wondered out loud if my dad had ever played there. A large stage had been erected in the back, and as I watched the band for the evening set up, a sense of longing for music so large it made my heart ache overtook me. I had never seen the band themselves, but had seen one of the members perform in multiple different bands over several years. I had no doubt they would be good. We stood and listened as they warmed up, holding our beers and smoking.
“Oh, they’re good! I don’t want to leave!” I told Sophia. I resisted the urge to stomp my foot in agitation.
She screwed up her face. “Me neither,” she answered. “but. . . “
“Yeah, yeah. Responsibilities.” and we looked at each other, each disappointed in the possibility of having to leave before the band even got started.
We walked away from the stage area though, knowing we should leave now and not wait. We stepped into the now humid bar and cashed out, making small talk with the people at the bar while we waited. As we went to leave, we were stopped in the parking lot, and Sophia made another t-shirt deal. It made me happy to see her doing so well with this venture of hers. We stood out there talking for about half an hour to the gentleman interested in getting shirts made, and out of nowhere the first chords of Joy to the World played. We looked at each other in excitement, and sang in unison, “Jeremiah was a bullfrog!” That basically sealed it. We made our way back to the stage, and as the sun set we watched the band play their first set.
I got to see live music, guys. I got to see a show. It did my heart and soul so much good, to be with one of my best friends and sing and feel the music. It was absolutely impromptu, what was supposed to be a business deal and a couple beers, what was supposed to be only a couple hours turned into me not getting home until midnight. There was laughing and jokes, and some friendly flirtations from a couple different individuals that did my ego some good, too. Not that my ego is overly bruised at this point, but everyone likes to have a little bit of that kind of attention, so long as it’s friendly and not creepy.
It was a damn good night.
Which brings me to the quote that was supposed to be written into a post last night.
“If I were to wish for anything, I should not wish for wealth or power, but for the passionate sense of the potential for the eye which, ever young and ardent, sees the possible pleasure disappoints, possibility never. And what wine is so sparkling, what so fragrant, what so intoxicating, as possibility!” Soren Kierkegaard
It’s a long one, but the gist is this: find the good in everything, even the seemingly bad.
When one door closes, another one opens. Or maybe just a window, but hell. That’s okay, too.
Recognize everything in life as an opportunity; even the bad is a chance to learn and grow.
Appreciate the little things. It’s so important. The little things all add up, making life into one big, beautiful clusterfuck that is unique to each of us. None of us can tell the same story. None of us lead a completely blessed life. We all have our anxieties and our messes and mountains to climb. We’re all on a different journey. But if we can stop and appreciate where we are and what we’ve overcome, if we can stop and smell a flower in the middle of our own personal wars, it makes it all worthwhile.
I’m in the middle of this transition, and it’s painful at times, and hard a lot of times. But last night I got to stop and appreciate something wonderful. Music and people and laughter, warm night air and a friendly, casual atmosphere that did my soul good. As I drove home, the night air cool on my skin and Hyro loud in my ears, I was able to reflect on the evening and know that sometimes impromptu is good. Had I stuck to the agenda that I had originally anticipated today, no doubt I would not have been in the amazing mood I was in.
I got home and my Chaser was still awake. “I was waiting for you to get home, Momma.” and I felt a little guilt. I hugged him and said, “There ended up being a really good band there, so I stayed a little longer than I thought I was going to.” Chase smiled at me and said indulgently, “Well we all know how you are when there’s a band.” and I laughed. Even my little one knows. Momma can’t resist a live show.
Take the time to embrace the unknown, embrace the impromptu; take time to look at what could seemingly be bad and realize that it’s an opportunity to explore the unknown and get to know yourself a little better, and an opportunity to have experiences you may otherwise have not had.
Happy weekend, folks.