So, 6am. I actually woke up at like 545am and laid there debating the value in getting up early. At 610 I decided there was plenty of value since I had a bunch of shit I hadn’t done the night before to do that I wanted done.
Superunknown accompanied me to start, but I soon switched to Fever 333 – between them and Hyro the Hero and Linkin Park, that’s who I listen to when I’m feeling especially . . . Shall we say, angsty The three bands feed my determination.
I’m in the midst of this huge transition – I feel it in my bones, and am witnessing it in my life. Add to that the fact that I’m hurting because of the impending holiday, and I’m a fucking wreck. Sorry, not sorry. My emotions are all over the place, I crave human connection one minute and the next I crave solitude. . . One minute I’m on top of the world, and the next I would gladly fight the first person to look at me wrong. I’m just rolling with it. This too, shall pass.
Today it was anger and solitude to begin with. Anger drives me in a way no other emotion can, so between that and Fever 333, I got my to do list done. I showered, got ready, did some laundry, finished the previous blog post, payed a couple bills, cleaned up the kitchen, did some other miscellaneous bullshit . . . All before I left the house at 845am to go to work. I just wanted to get shit done and be left the fuck alone.
I like today’s quote. It goes with what I have going on in my life at the moment.
“Who dares nothing, need hope for nothing.” – Friedrich Schiller
This transition is bringing with it a determination to see my dreams come true. I’ve been working on and building up this blog, but really. . .
I want to see a hardcover book with my name as the author on a shelf in a store. That’s what I want.
And I’m not gonna get it by sitting here on my hands.
You can’t be afraid to move forward. You can’t talk about how much you want something and then when the time comes for action, make excuses why you can’t.
You can’t wait for the perfect alignment of the stars to go after what you want.
You can’t run in the other direction when confronted with an opportunity and expect good results.
You can’t be goddamn passive aggressive and think it’s going to get you anywhere.
You can’t even take pretend steps forward and think it counts as real steps.
Fuck that. Fuck all of that.
A perfect example – A couple nights ago I looked at publishers, and how to go about getting work published. Turns out, there’s a couple things I need to do first. So I took a step forward. . . And had to backtrack. So I have more information on the direction I need to go, but I didn’t actually move forward.
Instead of letting it discourage me, instead of saying, “well damn. That’s a lot of work. . .”
I’mma do the fucking work.
You sometimes have to backtrack so you do shit in the right order. If I were to send what I have right now to a publisher, I’d fail. Period, point blank. And there’s no shame in that. There’s no shame in taking a step back and reapproaching how I’m going to achieve my goal.
Good things take work. Good things take time. Skipping steps will only set you up for failure.
Fever 333 is driving me today – “Stand up, or die on your knees. . . Stand up or fucking die on your knees.”
I can’t settle. It’s not in my blood. It’s not a part of who I am. I was put here to get shit done. And even if I have to adjust my direction, I will get to my destination. If I don’t try, I won’t get there. If I don’t dare to take the risk, I have no reason to hope for anything more than what I already have.
Happy Friday. Don’t be afraid to take the time and put in the work to get to where you want to be.