I slept until the unheard of time of 9am today. I’m slowly but surely getting back into normal sleeping patterns – well, normal for me. I’m more of a night owl than an early bird, preferring the quiet that darkness brings with it. The kids aren’t wound up, running around like crazy people. Less traffic, the heat of the day gone. . . I like my back patio in the evenings, for phone conversations and writing.
Last night I was up until 130am, working on my writing. So 9am was fairly reasonable – for a 35 year old woman. Chase had been up as late as me, and woke up when I did. “Buddy, aren’t you still tired? Don’t you want to go back to sleep?” First off, seven and a half hours of sleep is not enough sleep for a growing 8 year old boy. Second off, I prefer my mornings to be spent in solitude – I can’t handle people talking to me, needing things from me, looking at me.
He was adamant that he was fine to be up and awake, though.
“I’m fine, mom. Do you see bags under my eyes? NO.”
Oh, for the love of God. If he isn’t his mother’s son. . .
I began to prepare for my day, debating what I wanted to do with my only day off for the weekend – tomorrow is a working Sunday for me.
I had mentally made a list of items I needed to accomplish today, as I sat on the phone with a friend last night:
- Mow grass
- weed gardens
- fix the shepherds hook that bent in yesterdays storm
- pay brothers bills
- pay water bill
- grocery shop
- dye hair
- clean house
- laundry – including bedding
A pretty hefty list for one day, but this is my normal first Saturday of the month shit – with exception to that bent shepherds hook. I wasn’t sure that was fixable, but I damn sure was gonna try.
Anyway, I got up and made coffee and got Chase some cereal. I picked out clothes for today and showered.
I stepped outside for my first cigarette of the day – fyi, I am finally getting back on track with ignoring notifications on my phone and not smoking first thing in the morning, and feel so much better for it – and already it was warm and muggy.
I decided then and there that a lot of my list was not gonna get done today.
I had text Emma about Chase’s lack of sleep. We are in agreement that the child is an absolute train wreck without proper rest, and we agreed that I was up shitcreek without a paddle with the amount of sleep he had for the night. “I’m fucked,” I text her. “Soooo fucked,” she text back. I laughed at that – she knew all too well.
I sat down on my patio and lit my cigarette, jumped on facebook to update the blog page, checked my stats on WordPress. . .
“Holy shit!” I exclaimed out loud.
A wonderful person had gone on a reading spree while I slept, and liked damn near everything that was read – we’re talking like twenty posts or so, not just a few. I had also gained two followers overnight, putting my total to fifty.
To say I’m blown away is an understatement.
To say I’m humbled also goes without saying.
I sat down and did the math, and realized that I had gained sixteen followers in a week and a half. I’m pretty sure that it took me 3 years to get twenty followers, and here my shit just blew up in ten days.
I put a little money into my hobby, and it did some good.
Soooo. . . . what would happen if I put more money into it?
Another thing on my list of summer to-do’s is to get my own laptop. I’ve been using Matthew’s, and it bugs me. First, the child came down the other night and asked permission to have it back. “Son, this is yours. I’m borrowing it. If you need it for something, come and take it!” So once he realized that I hadn’t outright stolen his laptop, he started taking it more regularly. Which meant I had to ask my son to borrow his laptop each evening. I felt guilty. I had looked into buying one just like his, because I do like it. But I had been back and forth on it because I wasn’t a fan of how it often overheated, and I wanted something newer.
On a whim I logged onto Walmart’s website to see what they had available in store.
And oh my God, was that a rose gold laptop?
I winced at the price. Double what Matt’s cost.
I couldn’t justify it.
I legit needed it so I could write independently though. . .
I text both Emma and Sophia a screenshot of the beautiful thing, listed the pros and cons.
I got a text from Emma – “Fucking buy that shit.”
I got a phone call from Sophia – “You fucking deserve that. Go get it. And I don’t want you to call me later and tell me you didn’t. Unless they are out of stock.”
I don’t let my friends make decisions for me, for the record. I just needed to hear from someone else that this wasn’t a completely stupid idea.
So. I went and bought that shit.
I was on top of the world when the clerk first told me they were out of stock, and then found one as he was bringing out others to show me. It was meant to be. I purchased a little table so I could write out on my back patio if I chose to, a wireless mouse. . . I walked out of the store, and text both Emma and Sophia – “It’s mine!!!!” I got responses of, “Fuck yes, you deserve it!” and “Yay!”
I absolutely adore my friends.
Of course I wanted to run home and get her set up and start writing. . . but first, responsibilities. I needed to stop and pay brother’s bills and the water bill. I had meant to order checks and forgot to, so I had to go and get money orders. I stopped into the check cashing place where I used to work, and was overjoyed to find a former coworker behind the glass. She called out to me so she could wait on me. “Are you here to get your taxes done?” she joked.
“Fuck no, I’m not,” I answered, laughing. It was a running joke, and one that never gets old.
We chit chatted about the kids, and I bubbled over with excitement about my new laptop. It seemed so small. . . everyone has a laptop, right? It wasn’t that big of a deal, was it? But I felt like it was.
Of course she was overjoyed for me. She is one of several friends who are avid readers. I explained the money I had decided to put into writing, how I’d been borrowing Matt’s laptop – “Is that why you’ve been writing so much?! I’m so behind. I have like four posts I need to read!” She went on to say, in so many words, “That’s what happens when you have a little faith in yourself. You’re a good writer. You’re going to go somewhere with this.”
My friends literally moved me to tears today with their kind words and encouragement. The numbers are great – I’m happy to be reaching more people. But to know that the people that have seen me through the rough stuff, the people who know me in real life and know what I do, day in and day out, the things I cope with, the things I worry about, etc., etc., etc., . . . to know that they are there, rooting me on, to have their encouragement. . . . I can’t explain to you how amazing that feels.
I got home, and had the boys help me carry in the groceries. I responsibly put everything away before I ran to my room to unwrap my new toy.
I sat down and set up everything – from the screensaver to my email. I took breaks to switch laundry – I did end up getting it all caught up, and my comforter is in the dryer now – and to go out and rearrange the patio to accommodate my new writing space. I spent the majority of the day indoors though, as it was another one of those hot as balls days. As the day cooled down, I ventured with Rosalyn outside, and sat happily on my patio, with a fan blowing cool air at my feet. I heard birds chirping and the sound of my fingers on the keyboard. and I was utterly exhausted. All I really did was run some errands, do some laundry, and buy a new laptop today. But I also checked one of my goals off my list, and am furthering my commitment to this dream. Emma said, “You must feel like you climbed a mountain!” and she wasn’t wrong. I am tired and triumphant.
I ordered dinner for Chase and I, while Matt was at a friends house. We sat on the patio and ate together, and I asked him what the worst thing for him about the pandemic was. He said he missed seeing people – that he even missed school. My little one is extremely social, so I can see how that would have effected him. We then went and watered the gardens, and I attempted to fix the shepherds hook. I ended up breaking it, as it snapped apart where one of the hooks met the main part of the hook. Can’t win ’em all, I guess. We left and picked Matthew up, and went and got shakes. Now it’s chilly out, and I’m back in my room, listening to In This Moment sing The In-Between, (I’m gonna bring a little hell, I’m gonna bring a little heaven. . .). I’m talking with Oliver over messenger, and debating if I really want to dye my hair tonight or not – it’s 1030pm, after all, and I do have to work tomorrow. And I do still have a quote post to write and publish, for Pete’s sake.
Today, I am thankful for the faith my friends have in me, and I am thankful for the renewed faith I have in myself. I am thankful for how far I’ve come in the last few years, and I’m thankful for this gift I have with words. Most of all, I’m thankful for my perseverance. There’s nothing I can’t do. I’ve got this.