Don’t Stop

Oh, thank God for Friday.

It was another hot and humid day, and work was extra clusterfucky. No matter how I tried to catch up from my day out of the office, I couldn’t get any headway. The heat was making people itchy, I had worn a skirt because with the heat we were supposed to have today, pants were not an option. I was still warm during the times where I had to be outside, despite the thin material of the skirt. It’s a rare thing for me to use my AC in my car, but today called for it as I made my lunch trip to Starbucks.

Andy called me towards the end of my day, and we chatted until it was time for me to leave work. I had noticed it was raining, but didn’t realize how badly.

Until I stepped out the door and saw the torrential downpour that was currently in progress.

My first instinct was to slip off the sandals I had on, knowing that they would slip off in the flooded parking lot. Generally speaking the parking lot is fairly clean, we keep it that way. But it would be my luck that a random nail or screw, or piece of glass lay hidden under the water.

I don’t run for any reason, figuratively or literally – not even in a torrential down pour. I would rather walk and get soaked than risk running, still getting soaked, and end up falling. So I took a deep breath, and clutching my purse to me, stepped out into it.

“Oh!” I exclaimed, startled by the coolness of the rain. I did try to quicken my pace some, but the damn sandles were slipping off my feet. I immediately kicked them off, sharp things be damned, dignity be damned. I’d rather walk barefoot than slip and fall, especially in a skirt. The sandals floated ahead of me in the puddles, and I quickly bent down to scoop them up before they could float away. It seemed to take an eternity to make it to my car, and when I did I was soaked to the skin and had water dripping out of my hair and into my eyes.

“Oh for fucks sake,” I grumbled, and reached into the back seat for the clothes I had left in there from the day before. The pretty blue skirt worked fantastically for drying off somewhat, and I turned on the car. I froze all the way home while the air kept the windows from fogging up.

Finally home, shitshow work week behind me, I changed clothes, started dinner, and started working on How I got a Dog. I took breaks to talk again to Andy, to Sophia. Grandma came home with some mutual friends who she had been out shopping with, and I paused again to talk to them briefly, and eat dinner with the kids.

And now here I am, after hours of editing one post, working on another.

I couldn’t not write the daily quotes post, though.

“If you hear the dogs, keep going. If you see the torches in the woods, keep going. If there’s shouting after you, keep going. don’t ever stop. Keep going. If you want the taste of freedom, keep going.” – Harriet Tubman

Now, obviously there is a lot of unrest in the world with the current circumstances surrounding George Floyd’s death. And I totally get it, I totally sympathize with the family, I totally see a need for change. We can definitely say this quote could apply to current events in the world – there is a lot of injustice, there is a lot of hate. . . a lot about our world is ugly. I would love to wake up one day and have COVID be gone, to have the rioting over with. . . It’s happened a little close to home, and on two occasions I told Matt before I went to bed – “If you hear anything funny outside, you come and get me.” He asked me to buy a gun, for fucks sake. My fourteen year old is worried about this. I didn’t go buy a gun. But I do have a weighted Louisville Slugger with a motherfuckers name on it if they feel froggy.

I could go into all of that, but that’s stating the obvious. There needs to be changes made in our world. Period, point fucking blank.

I studied Harriet Tubman when I was school age, as I was extremely fascinated by anything from the Civil War era. It really intrigued me how very brave she was. Not only did she save herself, but she saved an unknown number of other slaves – between 70 and 300 is what I found on the History Channel website – she was a spy for the Union Army afterwards, was the founder of a home for elderly African Americans. . . and she dealt with epileptic seizures from an injury as a child. And she was only like five foot tall, which was one thing I didn’t know from my previous research. Of course that intrigues me because I’m only five two, and I know I’m short – take away two inches? She did all of that and was only five foot, a woman, and a former slave too?? That’s some brave shit. I don’t care what your stance is on anything racial, black or white, woman or man – That’s absolutely extraordinary.

I’ve happened on this quote before, in one of the many biographies I read as a teenager. It always has spoken to me.

Don’t quit. Keep fucking going. If you want to see the light at the end of the tunnel, don’t stop, don’t give up. Keep going.

I know that’s a constant theme in my posts. Fully aware. I don’t know how much more I can preach it – you can’t stop when the going get’s tough. You have to move forward.

Figurative or literal, if you keep pushing forward you will be free of whatever is holding you back. Be it a physical situation, or mental or emotional – nothing last forever. You will get through this, too. Don’t let anything distract you, don’t be fooled by things that are tempting to you, that may make you veer off of your path – stay true to yourself and what you want.

This evening while I sat with Grandma and our mutual friends, talking and laughing, I noticed one of them paging through the quote book I’m using for these posts. I had forgotten and left it on the kitchen table this morning in my rush to leave the house on time. I smiled, wondering if she realized what she was looking at, knowing she occasionally reads my blog. I wondered if she was peeking ahead. I’ve resisted the urge, and I’m notorious for reading the last page of a book while still in the middle. The furthest I peek ahead is the night before I’ll look at the next day’s quote – but that’s it. It’s always a surprise to me. She and I had a brief moment to talk before she left, and she said she’s been reading more of my posts. That made me smile. I hope that these are helping people like they’re helping me. In no way am I trying to preach my beliefs to people. I’m just trying to understand myself better, and maybe provide a positive thought or two to others along the way. That’s my only goal here. Yes, I threw some money at my writing last week. But it was literally to see if it took me further towards my dream and for no other reason. All I want out of this life is to be surrounded by wonderful people, experience wonderful things, and write. Write to heal – not just myself, but anyone else that wants to come along on the journey. The more people I reach with these rambling posts, the better. I personally think there’s a lot of good in them.

I finished my post about Meeha, talked to Sophia some again, talked to another friend for awhile, laughing about ridiculous shit that only we would understand. That’s the wonderful thing about my friends. Each of them is good for a different part of my soul. Some are optimistic, some are pessimistic, some are realists. . . and some are just fun. I need all of that in my life. They help even out all of who I am. I have all of that in me, and it gets confusing sometimes to be inside my own head. I can separate my thoughts better when I can talk it out with each of these people. I can’t say enough how glad I am that I’ve found people I can count as genuine friends.

It’s after midnight, and A Day to Remember is singing about Resentment as I finish another post in the quotes series. I technically won’t have published this on Friday, June 5th, it’s technically June 6th now. But I’m good with it, because I haven’t been to bed yet.

Happy Friday/Saturday. Take a moment to embrace all sides of life. And don’t stop. Keep going, the light at the end of the tunnel is with in your grasp.