Let It Be

It’s warm enough to have my window open, but my feet are still cold – so I have my desk blanket draped over my lap.  I have a cup of iced tea and my lights blazing and my candle burning, and I’m ready to put some words down.

I started this post yesterday evening, but I was distracted – I’ve had a lot going on.  There’s drama. I’m navigating through it, and me and mine are all healthy and well. That’s all that matters at the end of the day.

Anyway, I just read back through what I wrote yesterday, and it was just as scattered as my mind felt while I wrote it.  So, I’m starting again.

A subject that is continually coming up in my day to day life is to just be. I honestly find it a little funny, because once again the quote post is dead on with where my life is at right now. I was first drawn to the word be while looking for a new cover photo for my personal Facebook a few weeks ago, and even though it was simply a black background with the word written in white cursive, it spoke to me. Life began happening at a break neck speed, and I was too busy and involved to really notice what was going on. But then things began to slow down a little, and Monday’s quote post came up, and I noticed that it was the same topic.  And then Monday’s meditation was about just rolling with life, as well. . .

In case you’re curious, I use Calm for my daily meditations. . . Always wonderful words of wisdom.

I believe in signs.  I believe that the universe sends you nudges in the direction you are supposed to go.  I believe in Chakras and Chi, in synchronicity and angels and higher powers. . . I believe that there is almost always something unseen at work. We are in control of our destiny and fate, ultimately.  But the universe definitely is like “Hey . . . maybe you should try it this way.”

I tend to listen.

For those who are new here, I am working my way through the quote book titled Whatever you are, be a good one. It was a Christmas gift from my friend Emma this past Christmas, and towards the end of the spring I picked it up and began to base blog posts on the quotes in the book.  There are 100 quotes in the book, and I am nearing the end of it.  I go in order, I do not skip around, and I mostly do not skip quotes.  I think there may have been two quotes I skipped, but only because they were redundant. I do not write a quote post every day – although originally, I was trying to do so. Life did not allow me to keep up, and it actually became a point of stress for me. So I backed off, and just do them as I see fit. It might be one a day for awhile, and then just a couple of them a week. . . I do what feels right. All the quotes were created into art – hand lettered by Lisa Congdon according to the book cover. Shortly after I began the quote post series, I fell in love with the art as well and thought it would be a good precursor to each post. I began posting photos of the artwork each morning that a new post was intended to be started to the Facebook page. Sometimes those photos sit there for days before I write them.  I was recently sick (not with COVID, just a bad ass ear/sinus infection) and the photo sat there for closer to two weeks before I wrote it.  But write it I did.

This past spring and summer have been a complete roller coaster for me, and the book and writing these ‘quote posts’, as I’ve come to call them, provided a grounding point for me.  I had gotten away from writing a little in the year prior to me picking up this venture, and it is absolutely my passion and my dream to make a living from my art. The quotes got me writing again and got me delving inward to investigate who I am as a person – how I have grown, what I am suppressing, and who I want to be. It got me questioning myself and where I was at in life.  Ultimately, I ended up pursuing my writing career more diligently, and thus I have grown as a writer and made a fuckton of headway.  I’m published online now through a couple different websites, and making money through content writing -and I am chasing this dream that I’ve had since I was sixteen. I’m proud of myself.  No one else can say they gave this to me or helped me with it – purely my research and determination and talent got me here.  I’m not known worldwide; I don’t have millions of followers. . . but I’m further than I was at the beginning of the year.  I’ll take it.

So, I sit here in the evenings and on weekend mornings, typing away on my rose gold colored laptop that I dubbed Rosalyn.  Often with rock music playing low in the background and eucalyptus mint scents surrounding me and my desk blanket over my lap, pausing to take a sip of tea brewed in one form or another. . . and living a dream that I had given up on until very recently.

Because I followed the direction that I felt was right.  Because I trusted my gut and my instincts and followed the signs the universe gave me. Because I lived in the moment and not inside the anxiety of the potential of failure.

Or maybe it was blind luck.  I’m not really sure.  It feels an awful lot like I was nudged in this direction, though. And here I am.

So, when this quote post came up, and the guided meditation on accepting life where it’s currently placed you was suggested for my morning mediation practice Monday morning, I was all ears.

“True happiness is to enjoy the present, without anxious dependence on the future, not to amuse ourselves with either hopes or fears but to rest satisfied with what we have, which is sufficient, for he that is so wants nothing.  The greatest blessings of mankind are within us and within our reach. A wise man is content with his lot, whatever it may be, without wishing for what he has not.”

Seneca

I am coming closer to achieving this idea of just being.  I am by nature a planner, and an overthinker, and those are hard things to unlearn. I have children to care for and a full-time job and this writing venture of mine to keep up with, as well.  My brother is more independent than he ever has been, but there are still things to attend to for him from time to time, as well. There are people I care about that I don’t want to neglect, either. I have to balance it all. . . and the universe wants me to ‘live in the moment’?

I’ve learned that this is the most important part of it all.  In order to balance it all, I need to accept things for what they are, and trust that I’m going in the direction that I’m meant to be going. After all . . . I’ve gotten this far.

I can’t sit here and be anxious for the future – what will be, will be. I can’t stress about what has already transpired, because it’s done, it’s over with.  Right here, right now – my people are healthy and happy.  We have a roof over our heads and food in our cupboards.  I have a steady income and am lucky enough to be able to supplement that by doing something that I love. There is no certainty what tomorrow will bring. . . or even if it will come. It could bring something wonderful, or it could bring something horrible.  But right here, right now. . . I am happy.  If tomorrow brings good things, I will welcome those things with open arms and keep marching in the direction that feels right.  And if it brings bad, I will attend to those things and move forward from there, as well.  That’s all we can do in this life. Move forward.

I hope wherever and whenever this post finds you, that it finds you well and content with your life. Happy Wednesday.

Photo by Matteo Di Iorio on Unsplash

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