Well, it’s officially been one of the most boring weeks in the history of ever. I spent the week ill – but just ill enough to keep me in bed and out of work. I have never been off work for this length of time – by the time I return on Monday, it will be a solid twelve days since I walked through my office door. Lucky for me, Sophia oversaw my property while I was gone, so I know it won’t be too clusterfucky for me when I return.
It’s an odd feeling to me. I know that I needed this week to physically recuperate from this random illness. It is odd to me still that an ear infection and a sinus infection could knock me out like this has. Sophia seems to think that whatever is in the air from COVID is exasperating normal illnesses, and I can’t disagree, even though there is nothing to back her theory. Never in my life have I had such a lingering illness. I wasn’t next to death or anything. Just lethargic, with different ailments – ear pain, headaches, nausea – that kept me down. I watched YouTube videos and took naps. I felt well enough on Wednesday and Thursday to be up a little bit, taking care of minor things – back to school items, mostly. Just a very lowkey time for me, and I’m not used to it.
My schedule has been a mess. Normally I go to bed between ten-thirty and eleven in the evening and get up between five-thirty and six-thirty in the morning, maybe seven on the weekends. I was finding myself unable to sleep and staying up until one and two in the morning, and not waking until ten or eleven in the morning. I concluded that this was due to the lack of activity in my life – I’m usually going, going, going from the time I wake up until I fall into bed. My body wasn’t used to the lack of activity. So therefore, it was compensating by keeping me up later. I wonder if my natural body clock is more of the night owl persuasion – I tend to think that it is, and adulthood and parenting has forced me to slowly alter it through the years. I know that before kids I preferred working second shift – not going to bed until the middle of the night and not getting up until the middle of the day. I have found that I do enjoy the quiet early morning hours though, as I’ve stated – The house quiet, and just me and my words and music. Regardless of what my body forced me to do this last week and a half, I know that I will have to return to my early to bed, early to rise schedule eventually.
I do think I am officially done with coffee. The very thought of it is just unappealing. I’ve switched to tea and am exploring that world to see what’s available to me. It does seem that there is more variety in flavors, so that’s nice. I’m currently pretty stuck on Yogi’s tangerine positive energy tea and Sleepytime tea. I’ve always felt that the smell of citrus is invigorating and wakes the senses, and the Sleepytime tea has a wonderful soothing peppermint scent that is nice to smell as I complete my nightly yoga and meditation.
I also have held down the one cigarette a day thing for several days. I’m fairly excited about this. Cravings are minimal and I’m able to move past them. My last day smoking will be on Saturday. Cross your fingers for me on this, folks. I want to hurdle this obstacle in my life finally.
I feel like this was a pretty pivotal week for me, regardless of the fact that I physically did nothing of any importance. I was forced to shut down for the majority of the last week and a half, not thinking of anything but the exact moment I was in and what I was feeling. I was forced to take care of myself. I know I touched on this in the last post – how I was being forced to slow the fuck down. It was important for this to happen. Although quiet and without a lot of fanfare, this week changed a lot about how I think of certain things and feel certain feelings. It was a lesson in acceptance of the moment as opposed to thinking so much about what’s next. I will always be a planner – I sat down for several hours today with my calendar, planning out how I’m going to attend to my home life, work life, and the boys schooling. Today was the first day in over a week where I seemed able to think clearly about anything other than how shitty I felt. It was the first day in over a week where I could truly assess my thoughts and feelings. I discovered that the mental and physical shutdown I recently just experienced allowed me to internalize some shit, come to terms with some shit, accept some shit that I otherwise have been unable to deal with. I can’t say that I am completely cured of overthinking, but . . . I think I’ll have the ability to not stress as much about things. I think I’ll be more apt to live in the moment. I think I will make the time to relax more often, and not feel the need to constantly be checking shit off my to-do list. We’ll see how I fare with these things once I am back in the real-world full swing, juggling work and home and school. This all sounds good until the hectic is back full throttle and I’m left alone with my thoughts at the end of the day. But I like to think the things I’ve consciously and subconsciously tackled this week will make a difference and make life a little less stressful for me. I truly believe some pretty fundamental shifts and adjustments occurred this week, and I hope that they become a permanent part of who I am as a person. I didn’t see this illness coming; it definitely was not wanted. But the break I was allowed to take from life was definitely needed.
Next week the crazy life I live day to day will return. I’ll be one hundred and ten percent back in the real world. I’m going to take the next couple of days before all of that begins to enjoy this quiet life I’ve been forced into for the last ten days and appreciate it. Happy Friday, folks. Take the time you need to shift into the person you want to be, and adjust to the life you want to live.