I have found today to be extremely underwhelming.
I’m used to hecticness and crazy, and when I have a quiet day with no drama, I’m . . . Bored.
I’m not sure what that says about me as a person.
Anyway, I tried to write an article this morning but found it to be a topic that required more research than I anticipated needing done. So I scratched it. I decided to use my lunch break at work more wisely – not driving to the Starbucks across town, thus saving both gas and the $5 a day I’ve been spending for months. I decided to use it to write, and brought my laptop to work. Lunch time came and I pulled Rosalyn out, logged on to the website. . . No work available. So instead I worked on a piece for publication, only to find that I hated it, and deleted over half of it 45 minutes in.
I waited impatiently for six o’clock so I could go home and try and finish something writing related. I found myself on the phone longer than I had intended to be, and not sitting down to work until eight o’clock. I decided this weekend my writing cut off would be nine o’clock so I could fit some other things I enjoy in – reading, meditation, yoga – and get to bed at a reasonable time. I need to fit as many of the things I love into my days as possible, which brings us to today’s quote:
“I say let the world go to hell, but I shall always have my tea.” – Fyodor Dostoyevsky
I have heard this one somewhere before, and I can’t place where. I made a decision early on to not research the quotes I write about, since the whole premise was to interpret them to my own thoughts, feelings, and life. So I can’t Google it to figure out what it’s from.
But I can say, I get it.
The world has gone to hell this year. That is indeed a fucking fact.
And while I have felt the effects of the world going absolutely haywire, I also decided early on that my home would be the oasis it has always been for me.
I am a homebody by nature. I love being home, in comfy clothes, with my garden or my words, with my children. I realized at the very beginning of this nonsense that the fact that there’s a worldwide pandemic going on only effects the things I must do outside the home. And has in fact allowed me to be home more, which mostly doesn’t make me mad. I miss concerts. Otherwise I’m not mad about having to do all my shopping online – I was doing a lot of that anyway. Or about any of the other restrictions – bars, restaurants, etc. And while I recognize the need for face masks, I hate them. So I stay home.
And so, let the world fall to pieces. Because I will just stay home and make dinner for my kids and write a blog post. Or garden. Or read. Or clean and blast my rock music at obnoxious levels. So on and so forth.
Everyone needs their ‘normal’. Everyone needs that something that makes sense to them when shit gets to be too much. The most consistent things in my life are caring for my children and words. Whether I’m writing or reading, words never fail me. They take me away from what’s bothering me. If I’m writing I’m getting things out of my head, and if I’m reading I’m living someone else’s story for a little while. Whichever avenue I take, it’s a source of comfort to me. My kids still need their mothers guidance and support and care, and while I won’t always have to make them dinner or wash their clothes, I will always need to provide them with the love and support they need to get through life. Gardening and yoga and now meditation are a few other stead-fasts, but I don’t rely on them as consistently as I do my children, and my words. And of course there’s always music, but that goes without saying – it’s the background noise to my life.
Another quote that I have always loved fits my whole thought process on the quote for today:
“I don’t pay attention to the world ending. It has ended for me many times and began again in the morning.” – Nayyirah Waheed
Life goes on. Let the world go to hell in a hand basket, because I have my children and I have my words and gardens and ways to find quiet in the hectic and crazy. I pull into my garage and park Scarlett, and I am greeted by the two people who love me no matter what – my Chaser jumps up and wraps his entire body around me and asks me how my day was, Matthew runs down from his room and asks what’s for dinner, and no matter what transpired through my day I am instantly reminded why I have been put on this Earth. I write my thoughts down, and feel the words pouring out of me, and I know why I have been put on this Earth. These things are my cup of tea when shit gets crazy. They’re my grounding point.
And I believe that everyone needs this. Everyone needs the place and the things and the people that bring them back down from the heights of stress and turmoil. It’s not something that you can search for, it’s generally just something that is. You’ll know it by the peace you feel when you’re around a person, or doing a thing that brings calm to your soul when you need it most.
Happy Tuesday. I will again hope for you that you find the things that bring you peace in our crazy world.