This morning found me awake at 526am, and ready to get some shit done.
Water, coffee, shower. Clean the bathroom that my oldest hooligan is supposed to clean as part of his chores and hasn’t. All with Lzzy singing to inspire me to keep moving.
At six I stopped to take a break and smoke a cigarette, and came across this:
Days like today.
When you wake up 45 minutes after your alarm and have to get yourself and two kids out of bed, fed, dressed and out the door in an hour. And not looking homeless, but semi-respectable. And the oldest kid doesn’t get dressed until it’s ten minutes before it’s time to go and the little one doesn’t want to eat until it’s time to walk out the door.
When you rush through morning first of the month traffic in a less than stellar vehicle to get to an important appointment.
When you get to the appointment only to find that their Internet is down so you will have to go back to tie up the loose ends later in your crazy week.
When you get home and decide to make brunch and the little one tells you he wants one thing so you make it and then he doesn’t want it. And neither child finishes their food.
When you try to have quiet time with the little one for the last hour before you have to work and the oldest one throws a temper tantrum, disrupting your plan.
When you realize that the apartment you spent all weekend super cleaning looks like a train wreck and you don’t have time to clean before you leave for the day.
When you go to work and its stupid busy and you only had 6hrs of sleep the night before after busting your ass all weekend.
When you go to pick up your crazies only to be told the little one dumped a full pop on the oldest kids head, getting the drink in his eyes.
When you get home and spend an hour teaching your crazies how to clean up their messes.
And when it’s finally bed time and the little one snuggles his little body up to yours on the couch, kisses your nose and tells you he loves you.
And when the oldest one recites the good night poem you made up for him 9yrs ago as he’s walking down the hall to his room and shouts out that he ALSO loves you.
Days like today when you’re not sure how much more you can take but their love makes you realize that it’s all worth it.
Five years ago life was much, much harder than it is now. Five years ago the boys were only ten and three. I was working at a job I hated. I was driving junk – This was my bright blue focus with the tinted windows that I absolutely loved until it started breaking. Window held shut with cigarette packs and duct tape, door tied shut with bungee cords and rope. It was horrible. I wasn’t making ends meet, I was robbing Peter to pay Paul. . .
Five years. That’s all. It’s amazing what five years can do.
Despite the hell that I lived in though, I had those boys of mine. They drove me absolutely crazy. They made me tired. They kept from getting adequate sleep. But despite the fact that I was so tired and always busting my ass, they loved their Momma, and their Momma loved them. And that, my friends, is what kept me from giving up. Those little boys were and still are my universe, and if not for them I would have given up long, long ago.
I stopped cleaning this morning because I wanted to share this with you all. Let me get back to it.