The Things that Speak Loudly

Five AM had me awake, and my alarm wasn’t set until five-fifteen. I’m well aware of the dangers of laying there for fifteen minutes. Fifteen minutes turns into an hour and all of a sudden my day is ruined. So I got up and started my day.

It’s amazing what fifteen minutes can do for you, though. I found myself sitting down and turning Rosalyn on at 6am. I edited the second post in the series I wrote about Matthew and posted it to Facebook, I worked on a submission piece, I wrote an article and submitted that to the content writing website. . . I spent two hours this morning on my art, and it was wonderful. I was a little rushed at the end, working on the article – it was some highly scientific shit that I’ve never even heard of. I seem to write better on things that I don’t know anything about though, if that makes sense. I get better ratings. Maybe it’s because I am a little more mindful because I know so little about the topic. . . I definitely always do research, regardless if I know about the topic or not. I’m not sure what it is, but every time I’ve written an article about a topic I know nothing about, I score higher.

So anyway, I felt rushed finishing it up. But otherwise I spent my early morning hours with my music, my writing, a hot cup of coffee, with my soft blanket over my lap to keep me warm in the cool house. The boys of course were both fast asleep, and the house was quiet except for the ticking of the keyboard keys, my music playing quietly, and the air rushing through the air vent beside me. The more I think about writing for a full time job, the more it appeals to me. I never thought I could stay at home before. Now that I am seeing income from this little venture, I can definitely see it as a possibility.

I also made a decision about the quote posts. I was doing them every day, which took a lot of the fun out of it. I like to write whatever comes to my head too much to be bogged down by a required post every single day. So I decided that once a week was good for the quote posts. And I thought today would be a good day to do one.

“With freedom, books, flowers and the moon, who could not be happy?” – Oscar Wilde

Ain’t that the truth, Oscar!

Y’all know that this one speaks to me – the lover of words, the lover of gardening, the lover of the night sky. I enjoy my freedom, too. I have my children who need me to be there for them, I have my responsibilities. But otherwise, I have no one to answer to. And after some of the things I’ve been through, that’s an awfully nice feeling.

I don’t see how someone can look at a freshly opened flower and not find joy in it. I realize that not everyone likes to read, but I’m a firm believer that they just haven’t found words that speak loudly enough to them. I’ve had so many people say to me, “I don’t like to read, but I like your blog.” I don’t know why my voice speaks to so many of those people who don’t read, but I’m glad that it does. I think it has a lot to do with a genuine love for what I do, and a lot to do with the fact that I don’t mince words, that I’m extremely real. As for the night sky. . . how can a person look up at the night sky and not see the beauty in the sparkling of the stars, in the brightness of the moon? To quote myself in the post Nocturnal:

“Growing up in the country, one of my favorite things to do was to sit outside in the dark and star gaze. There’s something about the vast expanse of dark sky. Something about the tiny pinpricks of light, knowing they’re actually giant burning masses. I love cool night air after a hot summers day, and the dark has a soothing quality, seemingly masking all things, enveloping me, burying all fears and worries. I can think about everything and nothing. It’s true when they say the night sky has the ability to make one feel smaller. But also it has a tendency to remind me that something created those big bad ass stars, and has also created me; in fact, has given me the gift of being able to gaze upon them. The night sky reminds me just how lucky I am to be alive, and be exactly who I am and where I am.”

If you have time to read the above post, I recommend it. It’s a fun story about my battle with Templeton. For those who have been following for some time, you will be happy to know that after three years, Templeton is no longer holding my enjoyment of the night hostage.

Anyway. Pardon my tangent. I really enjoyed the writing of that piece, and I think the words I put down all those years ago about how the night sky makes me feel were put very well.

Really, though – I’ve covered what the quote means to me. The quote encompasses things that bring me peace. A good book, or writing. A night sky, gardening.

In regards to the freedom part. . .

I have spent a lot of my adult life single, and I do enjoy the freedom that comes with not having a significant other. I don’t have to coordinate plans, I don’t have to worry about another person’s thoughts or reactions to the things I decide to do with my life. I just do shit. There’s no one to discuss anything with. I’ve found that many people, at least the ones I’ve been involved with, like to think too much about things. I am able, in my own mind, to be able to weigh the pros and cons quickly and then move forward. But then again, it’s just me and my kids that my plans and actions effect. So perhaps that makes the deliberation easier.

I do realize though that there is a certain freedom in having another adult to bounce ideas off of, and someone to help shoulder the burdens I carry. It’s a matter of finding the right person, though. Someone that can hang, as dad used to say. Not everyone is equipped to deal with this life of mine, with it’s many responsibilities. And I think it takes a special kind of person to deal with my determined nature. Someone who doesn’t run when shit gets real. And in my life, shit gets real often.

For now, I’m embracing the first definition of freedom – the one where I fucking got this. The one where I handle everything, and enjoy the freedom of making necessary decisions on my own. I don’t always make stellar decisions. But obviously I make some pretty damn good ones to have come as far as I have.

I came home to my hooligans having done their chores, and made dinner. We discussed back to school options, and my Chaser told me all about his minecraft adventures today. Matthew is in a much better mood today, too. We had a long chat yesterday evening about his behavior, and while he didn’t like what I had to say, he seemed to grasp it. He is his mother’s son, stubborn and determined to do things his way. I sat on the porch after dinner and watched two dragonflies seeming to play over my driveway. The air was cooler than it was earlier, and I was quite comfortable there watching the dragonflies. I noticed that my hydrangea has a new bloom, and that the sunflowers seem to have grown two feet over night. I think I’m going to have some monstrosities on my hands again this year. At least it’s only four, and not the seemingly million I had last year.

It’s almost garden watering time. Maybe I’ll finish working on my submission piece. I also started reading mine and Sophia’s book yesterday evening, so I may read a couple pages of that. I have laundry to put away. There’s no shortage of things to take up my time. In the interest of getting up and getting shit done again though tomorrow morning, I plan to be in bed at a reasonable time.

My words of wisdom today are this – Find the things that speak loudly to you. For me it’s the things in this quote, the things I spoke of in this post. Whatever it is that makes your heart beat faster and brings calm to your soul, do that. I promise, you won’t regret it.

Published by: A. Elizardo

Single mother to two amazing boys, sister to an inspiration, and the daughter of two opinionated, sarcastic, fun loving individuals that are no longer physically with us. Music, writing, reading, my family - living and gone - are what keep me going as I put on my rose colored glasses and navigate us through this crazy world.

Categories every day life, Grateful, kids, Quotes, Random thoughtsLeave a comment

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