It’s been a rough couple of days. Today was much better for me mentally and emotionally. I had to have a heart to heart with myself, and call myself out on my own bullshit. There’s nothing harder than calling yourself out. But I did it, and I feel better for it.
So, I’m behind on the quote posts. I haven’t posted anything to the Facebook page. I had to get my head right before I could be the ever optimistic ray of sunshine that I always am. I’m better now, and ready to conquer the world again.
Chase had an allergist appointment today, so I left work early. I had four hours to work with since I worked Sunday, so I left four hours early. Chase’s appointment wasn’t until four fifteen, so when I got home and discovered that both my chair and chair mat had been delivered, I was ecstatic because I had time to get things situated before I left for his appointment.
I don’t know why I thought the chair would come assembled, or at least semi-assembled, but I did. So I looked at the box with discomfort, since it definitely was not. Y’all know me and putting shit together doesn’t usually go well.
I carried the packages to my room. The mat was rolled up tight, so I called J and Chase in to walk on the mat and flatten it out while I took the chair pieces out of the box. I grumbled about having to put it together.
J is so sweet. He’s eleven, so he’s between my boys ages. And as I grumbled about having to put the chair together and he and Chase were stomping on my mat, he said “It won’t be hard, Amber. You’ll get it together easy.”
And so with his little vote of confidence, I put the chair together. I sat it down on the chair mat, and sat in it. I was so proud and so happy in that moment, that I spun around in the chair and laughed. I text Emma and called Sophia.
“My chair came! And I put it together all by myself. And it’s spinny!” I told Sophia, and laughed as I spun the chair around again.
“Oh my God. You’re ridiculous,” she laughed at me. “But at least you’re laughing.” She and Emma talked me through my little bout of depression the last few days, so I’m sure it was a relief to her to hear me happy again.
Then it was time to go though, so I ran out to the doctors with Chase. He got compliments on his dinosaur face mask that I waited over a month for and the doctor recommended to reduce his allergy meds finally. I ran him over to Emma’s and hung out for a while, chit chatting. I got to taste test her Italian Beef sandwich and pasta salad – fantastic, for the record. Then I ran to Sophia’s and sat and chit chatted with her for a while, too. It had rained and the air was cooler. We sat and watched the dog that lives in the house behind hers dig a huge hole while his owners weren’t watching, and then the reaction of his owners when they found it. I told her stories about growing up in the country and about the really funny things my dad and grandparents did – another post, another time – and she told me her own stories about her time living in the country. Between the dog and the stories, we laughed through a couple hours.
As I drove home, windows down to feel the cooler air and the music up, I felt like myself again for the first time in several days. Work is particularly clusterfucky right now, and I’m juggling a lot with the new writing gig and my day to day. I got a little overwhelmed. I forgot for a second what a badass I am. Everyone is entitled to break down every once in a while. Just so long as you get up again, that’s all that really matters. And if you can get up better than you were when you broke down? Even fucking better.
I entered my side of town, and saw a rainbow had formed. I followed the rainbow all the way home, and found it over my backyard.
There’s always a rainbow at the end of a storm. I felt the rainbow before I saw it today. It’s in encouraging words and shoulders to lean on, it’s in spinny chairs and seeing progress in your endeavors. It’s in lyrics that remind you just who the fuck you are, and the strum of a guitar and the beat of a drum. Life isn’t always rainbows and sunshine. . . but so long as you carry a rainbow with you, you’ll always be able to find it.
Happy Wednesday. Halfway through the week, folks. If it’s a rough one, take solace in the fact that it will get better. And if you’re having a good week, make sure to embrace those good moments.