I literally cannot work right now, because my work computer is being stupid. I came in with the intention of getting shit done, and now I can’t.
So I’ll write.
I am looking forward to going home and getting shit situated for my social media break. I also have an urge to do some yoga, which I haven’t been practicing – at all. I haven’t missed it. I wanted nothing to do with it. I guess my head and heart have been so hectic that I couldn’t center myself enough to engage in yoga. Maybe this urge to practice is a sign that I’m getting better. I also have the urge to crawl into a book and lose myself for a little while, something else that I haven’t done in some time.
I received my first pay out today for my content writing gig. That was pretty amazing. I can’t describe how great it makes me feel to have accomplished this. I didn’t have it on my summer to do list. I just. . . Did it. Sometimes you have to follow your whims and fancies. Sometimes there isn’t a plan. I’m working on accepting that part of life. Sometimes the best things happen without a plan.
I went out to Sophia’s last night to get brothers taxes done, and realized too late that I had not brought the right paperwork. Sophia and I got started on it, though. So there’s that. I’ll finish it up this weekend.
We also set up a business page for the catering service that her husband and friend had started some time ago. I love being included in my friends ventures. I love that I get to watch them grow and achieve things, and that I can help – even if it’s only in this small way.
Which kind of brings us to today’s quote:
“I can no other answer make but thanks, and thanks.” – William Shakespeare
I talk a lot about the little things in life that I’m thankful for, but not so much the big things. The life altering shit.
So. Let me do that.
I am thankful for this life that I have lived.
I am thankful for every single set back, every single heart break, every single junk ass vehicle and bullshit job. I am thankful for the people who have made me cry. I am thankful for the people who have turned their backs on me, the ones who walked away from me and gave up on me. The people who talked shit behind my back. The people who pretended to be a friend when really they weren’t. The ones who said they loved me but couldn’t back it up when push came to shove. Every single time I was made to feel I wasn’t enough or I was too much. Every time I was made to feel less. Every time my feelings were cast off as nothing.
How can I be thankful for these things, you ask?
Because I’m better for the pain, and I’m stronger than I was before all of it.
Because now I can truly value the people and things in my life. . . The people who stayed, the progress I’ve made.
I’m thankful for every person who said, “you can’t.” Because guess what? It gave me a reason to show everyone that I can. That I have. And I will continue.
I value my home and vehicle so much more than I would have if I had had it easy. I value my job more because it isn’t dead end and my employers appreciate me and show me that.
I am thankful for the individuals that have stuck by me through all of the bad shit. Through all of my crazy shit. The ones that stay even when it’s bad. . . Who loved me even when I didn’t know how to love myself. . . The ones who are by my side through this journey I’m on. . . I can’t even express how wonderful and important to me they are. They listen to me when I’m down and guide me with the knowledge they have. . . And celebrate with me when I accomplish shit. And help me accomplish shit with their little pep talks and by giving me the occasional nudge when I’m feeling less than stellar.
I’m thankful for my ability to call myself out on my own bullshit. I’m thankful for knowing myself well enough to know that I need to make some changes in my mind, my heart and in my soul. I’m thankful that I know not to make rash decisions based on anger and fear. I’m thankful that I can step back and see the big picture.
And I’m thankful that I know when it’s time to burn a bridge. . . Or not.
I’m thankful for my parents, and that they gave us everything that they were capable of giving. Sometimes they made bad decisions. But at the end of it all, I knew I was loved. And sometimes that’s all that matters.
I’m thankful for my children and my brother. I cannot stress enough how much they have provided me with the means to keep moving forward. I can 100% tell you I wouldn’t be here – and I mean that quite literally – without them.
I am always thankful for the big things. I highlight the little things often because those things matter. They keep life in perspective. But the big things? That’s what drives us. That’s what keeps us putting one foot in front of the other.
I’ve written on this all day, during the times my computer didn’t want to work. I’m going to spend my evening working on the website, and getting things set up so I don’t have to log onto social media for awhile. It will look like I’m there, but in fact maybe I’ll be inside a book or working in my garden or enjoying my kids or on the phone with one of my friends. Who knows what I’ll be doing, but looking at my phone screen will not be one of them.
Happy Thursday. Take time to count the big things you should be thankful for, too.