By a Thread

Another clusterfucky day in the books.

I’m sitting at the kitchen table; dinner is on the stove – a garlic shrimp and pasta dish Matthew is quite fond of. While I wait I’m eating swiss cheese and dill dip.

I already wrote today’s quote post, but I feel the need to ramble. I want to write more than just another article – I’ll do that later. Maybe.

I did get up at 530am today – I knew the new morning routine would eventually sink in, it just took a little while. I showered, and did some other miscellaneous things around the house, than sat down to write an article. I’ve been pretty successful in writing one in the morning and one in the evening, and this month’s pay out is going to be pretty decent despite the end of the month start. I got a couple more approved today, too. It makes me happy to be able to see actual evidence that I’m at least somewhat decent at my art, even if it needs some improvement in the genre I’m currently working in.

I talked to Sophia briefly, and then headed to work for another shit show. I ran around for about half an hour talking with contractors and getting a feel for how the work we have underway is progressing – or not. I sat down to make my day’s to-do list and get started on it, and after getting interrupted half a dozen times started the quote post. I felt sleepy despite the now three cups of coffee in my system, and I would rather be interrupted with a blog post that can be picked back up than be in the middle of an important task that actually took thought – if that makes sense. I was supposed to leave at 11am to take Matt to get his class ring, so I figured I’d give my to-do list another shot after I returned.

I love when things are hectic and busy, even if it makes me a little crazy. I like the feeling that things are moving forward, even in the confusing way they often do at the property. I like knowing that it’s slowly but surely becoming a better place. And I love that I have been there since day one, and I can visibly see the progress. I was walking with the lawn care contractor yesterday after going to look at a couple things, and he was running ideas by me about improvements he would like to see made to the grounds. I am 100% on board with any improvement to the property, but I had to stop him. I had big ideas when I first got there two years ago, too. Unfortunately the realization hit that the property did not get in this shape over a short period of time, and it couldn’t be fixed over night. We have to take things in small chunks. The fact that the grounds look better than they have since I got there is a step in the right direction. The fact that our flowers are gorgeous, and we can start talking about the trees being trimmed up some is fantastic. Small steps. Sometimes that’s the only way you can visibly move forward, and that’s okay.

Anyway, 11am came and I left to pick up the boys to go to the school and get Matt’s ring. I knew I wasn’t going to have time for my normal daily Starbucks run, so I debated on stopping at the gas station for an energy drink. I decided that if I had time I would. . . I am back to not drinking energy drinks but every once in a great while. Age has caught up to me, and I sleep shitty even on the rare occasion that I can actually fall asleep after drinking one.

We pulled onto the street where the school is located, and found the line to be backed up more than I had anticipated. I groaned audibly, and Matt reassured me that it shouldn’t take too long, the line was moving quickly.

It turned out, I had my days confused. Ring pick up is tomorrow. I was in line for the weekly school breakfast/lunch pickup.

So, I mean, we got some food. I haven’t taken advantage of the service because I know there are people out there who need it more than we do. . . but I was already in line.

The rest of the work day was similarly fucky, even up to the point of me getting home. The landlord was in the driveway so he could come in and fix the mirror in the bathroom that almost killed me this weekend. As I was trying to change my clothes quickly while he worked in the bathroom, Chase’s dad showed up to pick him up for a couple days. I grabbed a tank top from my drawer, threw it on . . . only to find that I had picked the one that says “do what you feel is right and then say ‘fuck it'” Good impression to give the landlord. Sheesh.

The first peace I found in the day was in making dinner for me and Matt, and sitting down with Rosalyn to type out some of my frustration. I have another mess on my hands tomorrow at work, and trying to get Matt to the school in the middle of it all to actually pick up his ring.

I should have known from the moment that I was almost killed by a mirror this weekend that I was in for a rough week.

Silver lining though . . . I’m gaining experience. I have my words to ease some of what is making me so tired. I have a comfortable bed to climb into and sleep in, so I can wake up in the morning and kick ass again. And I will. Trust me when I say.

I don’t see an article in this evening’s future. I see a shower and my bed, curtains closed to the sunlight. I think a full eight hours of sleep is just what I need to get my head right and my ass kicking boots all shined up and ready for tomorrow. I may sometimes only hold my optimism by a thread, but I still can find it, even on the hardest of days.

Fuck. It’s only Tuesday. But happy Tuesday anyway.