I don’t think it’s ever felt so good to sit down on a floor before in my life. I am absolutely exhausted, but in a good way.
I’ve been staying up until about midnight most nights, and last night was no exception. However, I wasn’t able to sleep – this happens periodically, just because my brain doesn’t always shut down when my body is ready for rest. Nothing specific had me stressed, just random thoughts coursed through my brain.
I heard my phone vibrate on the bedside table, and wondering who could possibly be texting me, I rolled over to check it. 1am. And it was Noah – “You good?” I knew without asking he’d seen the posts I had posted right before I laid down on the So, This is Real Life Facebook page.
Also, I want to quickly clarify – I pick fake names for my friends by googling either ‘male names’ or ‘female names’ and scrolling the list and seeing which one sticks out to me. I thought about calling him ‘Darby’ just to be an asshole, but I would laugh every time I typed it. You’re welcome, Noah. You’re not Darby. (If someone named Darby reads this please don’t take offense – Noah just isn’t a Darby)
So I started to text back the explanation, but Noah and I communicate mainly by actual phone conversations, so I just asked if he could talk.
And that’s how I ended up being awake until 2am.
I explained that I don’t necessarily post things I am personally going through or dealing with on the page, I’m posting because other people may need to hear/see those words. I mean, I can say that if I post it I have probably felt that way at one time or another. I find it relevant on a certain level – just maybe not at the specific time of the actual post.
We did some catching up, and I went back to bed, and actually fell asleep. Apparently all I needed was to have that phone conversation. Noah and I met at a Pop Evil concert several years ago. I think I’ve explained on here about how I feel a pull to certain people – I can’t always tell what the pull means, I just know that they are supposed to somehow be a part of my life. I felt the pull with Sophia, with Oliver and Emma. . . but these people were already going to be a part of my life, as they were already involved in some way, shape or form. I just knew that they would be more involved than just being a coworker, or having a class together, or whatever. Noah was different. I had never seen him before, and we were standing near each other at the concert. We made eye contact a few times, but didn’t actually speak to one another. The show ended and Noah asked for my number. I normally am quick to shut that shit down, I don’t give out my number to strange men. But because I felt that pull, I went against my own rule. We went on a couple dates, found we had a lot in common, but there wasn’t any other connection other than friendship. And he is literally one of my favorite people now. It’s no wonder that after a conversation with him that I was able to put my mind to rest.
7am came quicker than I anticipated. Luckily today was day one of my vacation though. Its amazing isn’t it – we can feel sooooo tired allllll day at work without enough sleep, but let it be a day off and we’re energized, even with only five hours of sleep. . . anyway I had big plans to do some yard work. I slowly started to get ready, contemplating where to start with my plans. I stopped to talk with Sophia for awhile as she drove to work, sitting on my back deck and enjoying the view of my garden and miscellaneous flowers. A couple pretty yellow finches flew in and landed – get this – on my tall ass radish plants, and sat there chirping to each other. The air was cool, my coffee was hot, and as always the conversation was good.
We finished talking, and I went in to throw my hair up. I debated makeup, and decided against it. I wasn’t in the mood, I was satisfied with my reflection, and knew I’d just sweat it off later anyway.
Let the project begin.
First to the store for supplies, and then home to unload, change into clothes that would keep me cool, and get to work.
I had purchased fifty boarder stones to start with, my plan being to fix the half assed boarder job I’d done the previous spring in front of the house, on the drive way side of the house, and the back of the house. I hadn’t measured a goddamn thing, I never do. I just make a guess at what I need, cross my fingers that I’m not too far off, and get to it.
In front of my house are two gorgeous hosta plants, and a gorgeous iris. I had spread mulch around them last year, but finding that I had poured too much money into the main garden out back, wasn’t able to finish my project. On the drive way side of the house are four rose bushes in the same situation – surrounded by mulch, but no boarder. And again in the back, although I only have one iris out there, and some free space. Last year I planted snap dragons there, but I’m trying to buy more annual plants to save money in the long run – Grandma had requested more rose bushes, I just hadn’t gotten to it yet.
So, I began pulling up grass and laying decorative bricks. The weather was wonderfully perfect – just below 80℉, sun shining, nice breeze. I was mostly comfortable in a tank top and capri yoga pants. I kept applying sunscreen – it became slightly annoying after a while due to the fine coat of dirt that covered me head to toe, but I knew it was necessary. Each section took me about two hours, and by 530pm I was finished, with the exception of planting the rose bushes I had found for a steal while at Lowe’s for the second time buying bricks. For the record, I was able to complete both the front yard and the side yard before I ran out, and only needed 25 more to complete the project. I took a quick shower, went to dinner with Grandma, came home to water the gardens, went and got ice cream with Matthew, and now here I am – my fingertips feel swollen, my skin itchy from all of the sun I got today. And I am pleasantly exhausted.
I’ve written so much, and haven’t even gotten into the quote yet. Sheesh.
“That everyone is identical in their secret unspoken belief that way deep down they are different from everyone else.” – David Foster Wallace
David confused me. I kept reading and re-reading it to figure out what the fuck this dude was talking about. I think I got it though.
We all have this concept of being unique from another person. Which isn’t untrue. . .
But we’re all human. We all have basic emotional needs, we all need to know we’re loved, we all need to be recognized for the things we do well. I can sit here all day and tell you I don’t give a fuck about someone else’s opinion of me – and to a degree, that is absolutely true, I don’t. But at the same time . . . . it’s unsettling when someone has a bad opinion of me, too. No one likes to be ‘unliked’. I don’t care how bare their field of fucks is, deep down, they do care.
We’re all the same in that we want to be different from each other, but we forget how much alike we are.
And this is important to know. This is important to know because in knowing that other people crave the same things you do – attention, affection, recognition, kindness, etc. – you can maybe make someone’s day better. If you give to someone what you yourself are craving, I promise it will have a positive effect on both of you.
I regularly compliment people, I regularly thank people for the things they do, I regularly show recognition where recognition is due. . . because I know that I would want the same done for me.
Today I sent several people photos of the work I did – because I was home by myself, with no one to show off to. And when Grandma got home, I made her put her purse down and walk out front to see what I had done. I was extremely proud of the work I put in.
This is human nature, to be recognized and congratulated. I’m not ashamed to say I needed someone to say, Hey! Good job! That looks nice! Sure, I knew that I busted my ass – the tips of my fingers feel bruised, the water as I showered was pretty fucking dirty, I can feel a little sunburn despite the sunscreen. . . In a million ways I feel the seven hours of labor I put into my project. I know I worked hard, and I have eyes that tell me that it looks good. But I wanted someone else to tell me it did, too.
There’s no shame in that.
Slash and Myles Kennedy are singing ‘Driving Rain’, and I just got off the phone with Noah again. I had to cut the conversation short because I am dead on my feet. But not before I told him his new alias, and not before he begged me to change it to ‘Cletis’ or some other name that is equally ridiculous. Sorry, Noah. You’re Noah. Some day I may have a need to write a serious post about you, and I can’t stick with a silly name for that reason. You made the blog though, so there’s that, anyway.
Today I urge you to not be afraid to show your human side. I urge you to extend the gift of recognizing another humans needs, too. As I said in my last post, we are in the midst of humanity being in great turmoil – let’s say something nice to each other today, and every day. You never know how you’ll change that person’s day by your kind words.