Cleaning House

Well, today was a whole lot of uneventful.

Same shit, different day – woke up later than I should have – when I say that I hit ‘publish’ on last nights post and fell into my bed and died for seven hours, I feel that’s a pretty decent representation of what happened. Because it seemed like I closed my eyes and then WHAM! My alarm was going off and it was 7am.

This whole having a day job is for the birds sometimes, ya’ll.

I didn’t shower last night like I normally do, which meant washing drying and straightening my hair this morning. Normally I can just straighten it and move on with my life. Two things – naturally curly hair is a bitch in the warmer months, because without a straightener I would look like bozo the fucking clown. And two, some time ago I decided I wanted to grow it out long again, and after several mishaps over like the last two years I’m finally succeeding. And slightly regretting my decision. I miss my short 7 minute straightening sessions. It’s more than doubled with my hair length and I’m constantly annoyed by it. I see a hair salon and a box of black hair dye in my future. Maybe.

Another day of a lot of things accomplished, and a drafts post during mini breaks I took through the day ended up finished just after I got home.

Both of the boys were gone this evening, which is a rare thing. I didn’t have to come home and make dinner, and Sophia had things going on. So I changed my clothes and went out on the deck. I finished Stopping the Avalanche and then was like hmmmm. . . what the fuck am I gonna do with myself now? I debated a trip to the local nursery, but didn’t feel like driving anywhere. I talked with Grandma for a bit. We ordered dinner.

I was dead ass bored as fuck.

And of course then my phone blew up all at once with texts and calls just as it was time to water the garden and go get Matt.

I’m so used to going going going lately, I didn’t know what to do when I got a chance to relax.

Tomorrow both boys will be home again though, so today was just a fluke.

It’s funny. I posted the quote of the day to the Facebook page, and then later in the day had a conversation with Emma about her inability to get rid of clothes.

“Have nothing in your house that you do not know to be useful or believe to be beautiful.” – William Morris

I, on the other hand, am constantly getting rid of shit.

If I try something on and it doesn’t fit right, into the donation pile it goes. It doesn’t matter if I’ve worn it fifty times before, the first time it wants to not look good is the last time. Every season I go through my closet as I switch from winter to summer and vice versa, and get rid of shit. I can’t stand clutter, and I really can’t stand when I can’t look through my closet without clothes falling off the hangers from the pressure of the other clothes. . . no fucking thanks.

And so of course the literal meaning of this post is to not keep things that aren’t useful or nice to look at. That’s legit.

But of course you know I have to go deeper.

This applies to everything in life. Not just physical items in your life, but mentally, emotionally. . .

If it isn’t serving you, fucking get rid of it.

I realize that’s easier said than done. I have had a tendency to draw people to me that need fixing, and that are simultaneously toxic. People must sense my empathetic nature and that’s great. But I need to know when to draw the line. I need to know when I can’t help someone anymore and when to cut them out. I’ve gotten better. I burn bridges with little regard anymore. But once upon a time I held on and held on and held on thinking that I could fix a person, make a situation better. That shit can’t be done from the outside, from another person. It needs to be done from within. All I was to those people was a crutch.

So that’s point one. When you’re being used, when you’re hurting yourself more than you’re helping the other person. . . let them go.

I read an article many years ago, and it spoke to me on such a deep level that I quoted it for weeks afterwards on Facebook with the hashtag #wearyourcape. You can find the article here. My favorite quote from it was “It is counterintuitive to our conditioned thinking of more, more, more to believe that the most important gift we can give ourselves is to kick some things to the MF curb.”

In 2014 I was going through some shit, and when I read that article I was just like wow, this lady really knows what the fuck she’s talking about!

That’s when I began to see how I was cluttering up my own life with people and things that I really didn’t need.

That’s when I began burning bridges.

And that’s when I found peace, a little bit at a time.

That’s when I found out you can be lonely in a room full of people. Because if the people surrounding you don’t have your best interests at heart, if the people in the room are more consumed with themselves than anything. . .

When the people in the room are interested in taking, taking, taking and doing no giving. . .

Time to kick ’em to the MF curb.

It took me a long time to really get brave enough to do it instantaneously. I wasn’t sure that I was doing the right thing, see. I’m empathetic, sympathetic. . . How was it right to just drop people that needed you?

Because there’s a difference. There’s a difference between someone legit needing you, and someone’s ego needing you.

No fucking thanks.

I will help anyone with anything any time. But when I can plainly see that you aren’t willing to help yourself, it’s a no-go. When I can feel you draining me instead of lifting me up as I am lifting you up? Nah. I’m good.

It was hard to get to this point though. I had a lot of toxic people in my life over a long period of time. I didn’t know any different. I didn’t know what a real friendship felt like, where there’s equal give and take.

As I said the other day though, I’m pretty sure I’ve found those friends who are real friends. It’s taken me years, but I’m finally forming healthy relationships, and it’s pretty damn wonderful.

By all means, empty out your closet, clean off your end tables of the random knick knacks that are taking up space.

But evaluate your life, too. Evaluate your relationships, your hobbies, how you spend your spare time. . .

Is there shit that needs to be gotten rid of? Mentally, emotionally, and physically?

Work on it. Clean house. Burn bridges if you need to. And then build new ones, ones that are sturdy and can withstand a fucking storm.

I had a moment this morning – I knew it was going to be warm out, I wanted to wear a skirt. So I grabbed the first one I saw in my closet. Put it on. I didn’t like how it looked. *donation pile*. Tried on another one. *donation pile*

After my third try I grabbed a pair of capri slacks and a plain colored t-shirt, a necklace, and called it good. It’s my standard summer outfit for work, and it literally requires no thought, and that’s why I like it. Generally my skirts go well with the plain colored t-shirts, too. But apparently I need to do a skirt purge this weekend.

And that’s what I’m talking about. Life should be that effortless. Not that you shouldn’t have outfits that require a little more thought and a little more effort, but those aren’t your standard, every day clothes. On a day to day basis, things should be effortless and easy. Save the thoughtfulness for special occasions.

And this same concept applies to emotional and mental clutter, too. I promise, it’s so much calmer in my life without the drama and bullshit. I promise, it’s easier to find clothes in my closet after a good purge, and so much easier to navigate my life, too. I only keep what’s useful anymore. If it makes me feel badly – clothes or people – it’s gotta go. I just don’t have the time or patience to devote to useless endeavours, I don’t have the energy to search through my clothes for the perfect outfit, I don’t have time to give my all to a friendship or relationship and get nothing but a headache and bad feelings. . . the simpler, the better.

I’m not a stranger to working for things, but I like to know I’m working towards something, not for nothing.

I wrote Stopping the Avalanche on my phone, on breaks at work and after work on my back deck. This one has me at the laptop, listening to Pop Evil sing about Footsteps. While writing I was texting Emma and Oliver – my friend I met with this weekend, I was having a hard time coming up with a blog name for him – and it was completely refreshing as Oliver congratulated me on my candidness with Matthew, and Emma gave me a tip for the blog. Total give and take with these two. Nothing like the ‘friendships’ I had in the past, where once a person realized I had nothing to offer them they’d stop talking to me.

This shit’s important, guys.

Don’t be afraid to burn bridges, cut ties, clean out your closet, kick some shit to the motherfucking curb. I promise, you’ll feel so much better once you do.