No early wake up for me today, my alarm went off at 7am and I laid there for twenty minutes, until I realized that I would be scrambling if I didn’t get my ass in gear. I had stayed up late the night before, purely out of enjoyment of peace and quiet and solitude. I listened to music on my back deck, the lights that had been strung finally working – apparently the ‘on’ button is a hard thing to figure out for some people – just enjoying the darkness and the soft light from that string of lights. I had to force myself to go inside and prepare for bed, even though I didn’t feel tired. I took melatonin to ease me into sleep, and when I did sleep hit hard.
I’ve come to enjoy my solitude after all of these years. I have my friends, who I can call or visit. I have my kids, I have a mile long to-do list, always. But I always come back to my solitude, and often crave it.
I had read today’s quote before going to bed last night, and was excited. The topic is one that fascinates me, as it’s something I can never understand.
“Consistency is the last refuge of the unimaginative.” Oscar Wilde
I do have a lot of consistency in my life, and I do prefer to keep a rather steady schedule, especially during the school year. Things just run more smoothly that way.
There is a distinct difference in settling for the known because you’re afraid of the unknown, and ‘consistency’.
You won’t ever, ever hear me say, “but what if I fail?” When a new opportunity arises.
If I fail, I learn something. And really, there’s no failing. Every action you take, every experience you have, regardless of the outcome, brings a lesson. It teaches you how to do it better next time.
Everything you do is wrought with uncertainty. You could buy a new item off a menu you’re familiar with and get food poisoning. OR. . . You could have the best meal of your life. Sticking with the same thing, all the time, is straight boring.
As I steadily navigate through life, I’m met with obstacles, and things that change how I do things and look at things. I spent the last several months doing things a certain, predictable way every day. And then it changed. I rolled with it. Life can’t always be predictable. In this change I’ve discovered so much about myself, and instead of sitting here mourning the change, I’m looking at how it can benefit me. How it can make me better. I could sit here and try to go back to my old normal, but I see how this is forcing me to grow. And I’m embracing it. Every day is a new day, and I look at it with fresh eyes. What will I learn today? What will I do today? Right now I’m not trying to force a schedule or a routine. I’m adapting and figuring it out as I go. Everything will fall into place when it’s time for it to.
It’s simple. You adapt.
You see what life has in store for you when life throws a curve ball your way.
You don’t go backwards because it’s ‘comfortable’. Fuck comfort. You don’t grow being comfortable. You grow in your discomfort. You learn new things about yourself being uncomfortable.
I feel like these quotes are making me do a lot of preaching. The thing of it is, too many people go with status quo and what people expect of them, they don’t do what they want to do. They’re scared of offending, of displeasing someone. They’re afraid of taking risks. You have to live outside of the box. I promise you, I wouldn’t have gotten as far as I’ve gotten inside that little box that people wanted me to stay with in.
In fact, had I stayed in this box that was built for me, or that box that was built for me. . . I don’t want to say I would have died, because it’s a little dramatic. But my soul may have. That’s a distinct possibility. I would have suffocated.
If you want to be better, you have to strive for better. And in order to strive for better, you gotta go outside your comfort zone.
In order to learn who you are and what you’re all about, you have to move outside that zone that you’re so familiar with. New experiences, new people, new things.
I have consistency in my life – my handful of friends who I can rely on, my music, my kids and brother, my solitude when I need it. And the rest? Nothing is set in stone. Next year I could work somewhere new, drive a different car, live in a different house. . . And I welcome it. I’m not a tree. I can get up and move when and if I want to.
At 545 this evening, I decided to go out to Sophia’s. We sat and talked for hours, way past my normal time. We were out on her back patio, having just finished eating pizza, and smoking. “You know,” she said to me, “I’ve never sat out here in the dark.” It was just going in 10pm, and she lives in the country, so it was pretty dark out. I was surprised, though.
“Oh! I sit out on my back deck every night. It’s so peaceful, isn’t it?” And she agreed. This is a small example. I would venture to guess Sophia sits out on her back patio in the evenings now, though. She had no idea what she was missing. And you won’t know what you’re missing, unless you venture outside that comfort zone you so cherish.
Today, I urge you to embrace the changes life throws your way. You never know what good it can bring to your life. Happy late Wednesday night. I’m sure I’ll have another life lesson for you tomorrow.