Day 11: What If

I’m not a big ‘what-if’ person, honestly. Kinda goes with the whole, ‘everything happens for a reason’ motto I live by. I don’t concentrate on the what-ifs because it just doesn’t matter. It happened and you can’t change it and wondering about how the outcome could have been different accomplishes absolutely nothing.

But, it’s day 11’s topic, so let’s see what I can do with it.

Day 11: Something you Always Think What if about. . .

I guess my what ifs aren’t centered on what’s already transpired, but more so what’s to come. I’m a worrier, and so I sit here and wonder about tomorrow’s upcoming nonsense and play out different scenarios in my head as to what could happen with any given situation.

And usually I’m way off. I imagine how the scenario could play out and then it goes a completely different way and I’m like well, what the fuck. I just wasted all that time wondering what if he says this or what if this happens, what will I do. . . And it didn’t even happen.

So basically future what ifs are pretty damn pointless, too.

I psych myself out by imagining all of this shit playing out and then am completely confused when it goes way different than I thought it would.

I’m sure I’m supposed to be writing about a specific scenerio, but this is literally my day to day.

What if that angry resident decides to get violent?

What if Chases allergy sniffles turn into a fever?

What if someone calls off work?

What if my car starts to breakdown like my others did?

What if I forgot about a bill coming out and my bank account gets overdrawn?

I mean, I could give a million examples, really. I’m always thinking about different problems that could arise in my life because I am pretty accustomed to shit going wrong.

There’s two ways to look at this. . . I mean, if something really does go wrong at least I’m planning ahead. . . Right?

What I don’t do is think of positive what ifs, though.

I’m sitting here thinking of all that could go wrong. . . But what about all that could go right?

I could get another promotion. Chase could get into the gifted program at school. Matt could keep a 4.0GPA through high school and get into Harvard. They could become doctors or architects, actors or music sensations. . . I could get my dream house in the country and have a fast little car to get me from point A to point B. . .

There’s a million and one things that could go right.

I’m sure I was supposed to be specific in the post, maybe I was supposed to write about a regret or a missed opportunity. . .

But I’m where I’m supposed to be, so do I have anything to regret, was it really a missed opportunity, or just a path to a different life? Who’s to say that the missed opportunity would be better than where I am, here and now?

No, my what ifs are about the future and what it holds, about fifteen minutes or three hours or a week from now. And no matter what I wonder what if about, what’s going to be . . . Will be.

Embrace the moment, folks. Enjoy where you’re at in this life. What’s in the past has made you who you are, and what’s in the future can’t be foretold. What will be, will be.

Published by: A. Elizardo

Single mother to two amazing boys, sister to an inspiration, and the daughter of two opinionated, sarcastic, fun loving individuals that are no longer physically with us. Music, writing, reading, my family - living and gone - are what keep me going as I put on my rose colored glasses and navigate us through this crazy world.

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