Steps

No black and white/grateful post today. 

At 2pm, my scheduled photo time, I was approaching my office, walking back from the restaurant where Dorothy and I had lunch at. Where Clarice still sat, because the horrible bitch wouldn’t start. I am grateful that we opted for a restaurant 3 minutes walking distance from my office. I’m sick of taking time off of work for this piece of shit. 

I had mentioned that she was starting funny, that something was off. I mentioned that I took her in to get tested, and she came back clean. The odd start continued however. And then once the weather warmed up some, she began to start normal again. I had crossed battery and alternator off my list initially because I’ve purchased both since I had her. In fact, two batteries due to the multiple power issues that I’ve had to have fixed. But the way she was acting screamed battery. Anyway, she began starting normal again, and I figured it was just a glitch.

I drove over to the restaurant at 1pm, and at 150pm I hopped in her to drive back. She tried like hell to turn over, no sign that power was an issue. But would not fire. I cursed. Profusely. I either made my dad proud with my vocabulary, or embarrassed him. But cursing wasn’t firing that engine up, and neither was pounding the steering wheel or begging higher powers to intervene. Dorothy had pulled away before I even knew Clarice was pulling a stunt. Looking for guidance, I called Grandma. I hate uncertainty, and I had no idea how to proceed. I needed to be back to work in 8 minutes, but I also needed my car to be okay, to start, to not have me stranded. Older, wiser, and more level headed in times of distress, grandma advised me to go back to work, and leave Clarice to sit for a while. Come back and try to start her after a while. So I did. I grabbed my purse, lit a cigarette, and angrily walked back to my office, a little embarrassed.

When I got that license years ago, I had vowed to never walk to work again. Yes, this situation was different. But I still felt like I was letting that younger version of myself down. And who knew what was wrong with the vehicle. I had just put a large chunk of money into her, and didn’t have it this time to do again. I also just made my car payment for fucks sake.

The adventure of buying Clarice may be another story for another day, but it is high on my list of accomplishments. I went in with no credit, and very little money. I have furthered myself from the evil bitch, but I’ve paid a huge price at the same time. She’s taken a lot of my money, and added worry lines and gray hair, stress and unease. She’s left me stranded more times than any other vehicle. 

I called Dorothy and Sophia and vented. I talked to my maintenance guy about it. After an hour of worrying, I walked back over, and closing my eyes and praying to any being that would listen, I turned the key.

And the bitch fired right up. 

Not taking the time to think a single question, I threw her into drive and sped back to my office. I backed her into a spot should she need a tow, and wheels already turning in my head, I headed back inside. I made plans to accommodate any situation. If she started, we were taking her to a mechanic Friday. If she didn’t, she was getting towed there tonight. 

But as I thought about what that all meant, mainly the financial aspect of it, I paused. How many more times? How much money? At this rate, my kids won’t have a Christmas. At this rate I’ll get stranded at a super inconvenient time, and my boss would stop believing that my car kept breaking down. Ultimately, this car was putting my children’s well being at risk, and no. Fuck that. Nothing and no one gets away with that. 

Steps. First, how much do I owe on this cussed vehicle? I called my loan company and got the answer. Second, where did I go two years ago that I really liked but hadn’t been able to get approved at? 

I don’t sit idle and wait for fate to step in. I don’t wait for life to deal the cards. I deal them. 

I have an appointment Friday at a reputable dealership where I am approved to trade this ticking time bomb in and get something better.

Steps.

Published by: A. Elizardo

Single mother to two amazing boys, sister to an inspiration, and the daughter of two opinionated, sarcastic, fun loving individuals that are no longer physically with us. Music, writing, reading, my family - living and gone - are what keep me going as I put on my rose colored glasses and navigate us through this crazy world.

Categories every day life, Grateful, VentingLeave a comment

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