Matthew doesn’t want to go trick or treating tonight. He’s too big I guess. I don’t know. I’m sad because it’s just one more thing that we’ll never do again.
I read this poem a while ago, and it brought me to tears. To sum it up, you never know when you’re doing something for the last time with or for your kid. The last time you help them wash their hair, or the last time they wake you up to sleep with you because they had a bad dream. . . And in this case, the last time you coach them through two hours of running from house to house for free candy.
They grow up. They fucking grow up. One day you can carry them easily in your arms when they fall asleep watching tv on the couch and the next. . . You can’t. One day your the love of their life and then all of a sudden you have to remind them that you exist. Days spent coloring and watching idiotic cartoons and cleaning up spills and drool and boogers soon turn into what you craved during all of that – peace and quiet and solitude. Time to read a book or go out with friends. And you realize that you’d give anything in the world to have that time back.
Some people were shocked when I ended up pregnant with Chase. Matt was 6, finally starting to be able to occupy himself. And here I was, starting the cycle all over again.
Had I planned to have another child, I couldn’t have planned it better. Matt’s first year not trick or treating, and I can look forward to at least six more years with Chase.
However, I’ll never trick or treat with Matthew again. Our little trio is now a duo, and I’m sad over it.
I saw him as tweety bird and curious George and a lion. A puppy too, I think, and a ninja a couple times. He was a zombie and this weird panda thing last year. If I thought hard I could remember all 11 costumes we had.
But what I remember is him falling asleep in the car, finally warm after being out in the cold and exhausted from all the running. Cries of, “Mom! They have full size candy bars!” And this guy that pretended to be a prop in a yard and scared the daylights out of Matt. . . Haunted houses and how he always made sure to grab his momma her favorite candy whenever it was available, and when my dad was still with us Matt would grab candy for him, too. I remember going through candy, and marveling at how much he got. I remember hiding it from him so he wouldn’t eat it all, too. Carrying him when his legs got tired, and reminding him to use his manners. . . He once told an old lady to smell his feet like the kids trick or treat rhyme, and I wasn’t sure if I was going to die from embarrassment or laughter.
Chase will make memories for me, too. But I’m still sad that my other little boy isn’t so little anymore.
Happy Halloween, folks. Enjoy this holiday with your little ones while you can.