I don’t even know where to start with today. It didn’t go how I had planned, that’s for damn. But everything happens for a reason, and that reason was to draw me closer to my family.
I’m going to cut to the chase and leave out the drama. Quick summary is that someone I once cared for very much, and that I have trusted with a lot, hurt me . . . not so much because of their actions – because it was inevitable and I saw it coming – but because they lied about it. There are a lot of things I can tolerate, but lying is not one. That’s the quickest way to burn a bridge with me, and the motherfucker is torched now. I’m hurt because I’ve relied on this person through a lot of tough times, and now I can’t trust the individual. So there’s gonna be this hole, for a while, and now I have something new to cope with. As if I don’t have enough.
Anyway though, like I said. Everything happens for a reason, and maybe instead of leaning on a person who I haven’t known for very long in comparison, I should have been leaning on my family.
On a whim, I called my aunt, and she happened to be available. So instead of attending to some responsibilites, I went and had that cup of coffee with her that I thought I wouldn’t get to have with her for awhile. After being there for about an hour she realized something was wrong. I hadn’t wanted to bring it up, I just wanted to remove myself from the situation and find sanctuary in someone who I knew had no agenda. I briefly explained the situation, not wanting to cloud our visit with my troubles. And the beautiful thing was that she didn’t push for more information. She listened and when I stopped talking she expressed her sympathy and took her cue to change the subject, and did.
Sometimes, family is the answer. I didn’t want to talk about it and she knew that without me saying it. I just wanted the comfort of another human being, one that has truly seen me through my troubled life and loved me unconditionally.
We talked about the sale of my grandparents farm, and about the passing of my dad and uncle. We talked about Aaron and the boys, and I also found out family was coming into town, and there was to be a birthday party held for my great aunt and uncle tomorrow. I was overjoyed. I stayed until it was time to get Chase, promising to come back with him later in the evening.
I went to dinner with Chase and Grandma, and while I hadn’t eaten all day and my stomach was growling, nothing sounded good. I forced food down though, and immediately regretted it. It sat like a rock and my stomach began to hurt. I don’t do well with things like this. I don’t trust many, and when I do and they betray me it really gets to me. But I refuse to let someone who obviously didn’t value me bring me down completely. Lord knows I’ve been through much, much worse than someone’s self serving lie.
We finished with dinner and Chase and I went back to my aunt’s. They had found souviners from my grandparents trip to Rome and Jerusalem, and we went through the box, marveling at the trinkets and rocks from the ancient places. I mentioned that Matt collected rocks, and they sent me home with a bunch.
They found old love letters from when my Papaw was in the service, and while we didn’t read them – we all agreed that it felt like an invasion of privacy – it was heartwarming none the less. They found an old award that I had gotten in school that Mamaw saved, and a letter from my Papaw to my dad when he was a teenager. I wish I could remember it word for word. . . Something about if dad intended to take the truck to school he needed to not engage in any illegal activity and keep it out of the ditch. I was cracking up. We exchanges stories we’d heard about my dad and uncle, and they told me that like I had done, Mamaw saved some voicemails from dad and asked if I wanted the tape. I told them about mine, but didn’t commit to wanting the tape. I called Aaron and asked him if he wanted it instead.
Overall it was an enjoyable visit, an enjoyable day, despite the cloud over my head. And I have sunshine on a cloudy day, so this too shall pass. And I have a pretty amazing family, and a lot to learn about them and their adventures.