Clarice Lives!

Today did not start out as hopeful as the title may appear. Not that I had any reason to be depressed since I had a reliable person lined up to fix the bitch, but I was. Day 4 without a car. I was feeling it in my soul. I was beating myself up for not having my shit together enough to either have a reliable vehicle or have the means to just stick it in a shop. Here I am, in my 30s, bumming rides from my coworkers to get my kid to school. It was like a bad flashback to my early twenties. So I am going to vow to you all now. This time next year I am going to have my shit together well enough and have the means to have one or the other. Come hell or high water.

So thankfully Sophia came to my rescue, coming to pick up Chase and me. Chase gave her a tour of the lower half of my house while I got together our last few items of the day. We dropped Chase at school, and me at work, where catching up from yesterday commenced. One resident was pissed because I wasn’t in the office. Made up by the gentleman who stopped in to check on my vehicle situation and later came back to see if I had a way home. Dorothy had made soup for us, so we went over there for lunch, and I also was able to call the rent office for brother to get his work order put in and call the school about my hooligan child. The lady at the rent office asked about the drama the week before with Aaron and his coworker and I assured her it was handled and thanked her again for keeping an eye out. She also got a chuckle over Aaron not putting in the work order but being able to tell me what maintenance needed to fix it. That’s brother for ya, though. I’m so glad that I found that place for him. I couldn’t ask for better people to manage his home. And then the secretary at the school chuckling over Chase’s hooliganism. I’m not so amused, but I know from an outsider perspective it is very funny. I asked for the parents contact information and they opted to give them mine, so I waited for that phone call to come in. 

I was successfully checking shit off both my personal to do list and my work one, and I was satisfied with my motivation, despite my earlier depression. The child’s mother text me and thought the whole thing was hilarious, seeming to not be concerned about receiving payment. I insisted on it however, informing her that it had been going on for some time. She said she’d be in touch to set up a time get together. Satisfied,  I crossed that off my to do list as well. 

I received the call that Clarice was up and running again, and then a text from Chase’s sister asking to take him to dinner tonight. It didn’t occur to me that this meant that I would be without my youngest child, freeing me for a couple hours this evening. 

I could take Clarice for a drive. Yay!

Sophia commented on the fact that most people would take the opportunity to go have a drink with a friend or do some other social activity, and me being the loner that I am decided I was going to go for a drive. I originally thought about going out to the cemetery, but as the sun was setting I thought that may not be feasible. Chase’s sister picked him up, and I hopped into Clarice and started racing the sunset.

I drove out of town, Who You Selling For still on repeat, blaring from my speakers. The guitars and her voice and the lyrics speak to me on incomprehensible levels. When they come to hang you, stand straight, brace your neck, be strong daughter especially, like it’s a message from my parents to keep going. There’s new rock elements and old rock elements and even some old country as well as a pop rock tune that gets to me. It’s like my entire family all rolled into one album. I eased my way through the small towns on the outskirts of Toledo, watching the temperature gauge, as well as the outside temp, dropping as we left behind all the bodies and the buildings and cars and pavement. The last car in sight dropped from view, and I let it out, hitting 80mph in no time.

I told you I don’t belong in a minivan. 

I eased it back to 65, driving around familiar bends in the road. I realized I was not going to beat the sunset, but kept driving in the direction of the cemetery just the same. Fall was evident everywhere, a couple people burning leaf piles, the air fragrant with the scent. I cleared a couple areas of fog – it was 83° here today, and the outdoor temp on my car read 71°. I came to a set of railroad tracks and it made me think of my dad and a friend that passed this past year simultaneously. Dad always told me to always, always stop at these railroad tracks, no matter what, that you never know when a train will come around that bend. And my friend had crossed the barriers, trying to beat a train in town and was hit. Today the only thing that crossed the tracks was a lone deer, and I smiled because my aunt told me she thinks deer are a sign from my uncle, who also passed this year. There’s been a lot of loss for me and those around me this year. All I can do is smile at the memories, however sad I may be. 

I continued my drive, remembering as I drove around the bend near the apple orchard how I had almost wrecked my first car here, taking the bend too fast. I pulled into the orchard parking lot as I noticed the moon up, seeing it was a lost cause to make it to the cemetary.

I headed home, feeling the tension from the last few days leaving me. I am thankful for my true friends for getting me through another rough patch with Clarice, and thankful to be on the road again. Happy Tuesday!

Published by: A. Elizardo

Single mother to two amazing boys, sister to an inspiration, and the daughter of two opinionated, sarcastic, fun loving individuals that are no longer physically with us. Music, writing, reading, my family - living and gone - are what keep me going as I put on my rose colored glasses and navigate us through this crazy world.

Categories every day life, friendship, kids, Loss, Parenting, workLeave a comment

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