I’m sitting here in my office at work with a case of the Wednesday blahs. My to do list is pretty short with nothing pressing on it. I’ve been plagued with evening headaches that coffee seems to take away, so my large owl mug is sitting in front of me filled to the brim to try and get a jump on it. Pork chop and tator tot casserole is what’s for dinner, and my brain is starting to work on part two of Mom’s story. I had a scare that Chase was lost a few minutes ago. His aunt called me and asked if he went to school today because he didn’t get off the bus at her house. I told her he had and as her words were sinking in she assured me that she would call the school and find out what was going on. Longest six minutes of my life. And yes. It was six minutes. Because after waiting impatiently for five of them, watching the clock, I was already calling her. I’d already played out every scenario in my head by then, and when she didn’t answer I knew she was probably still on the phone to the school. However, he didn’t get off the bus because it wasn’t his bus that had driven by her house. So my Chaser is safe, thank God. As maybe you have discerned from previous posts, I’ve been through some stuff. But I cannot fathom losing one of my children. That’s one thing I don’t think I could ever come back from. 

Excitement for the day over hopefully, and that draining the energy right from me (what little I had, anyway) I found this on pintrest:

Indeed. I posted it to my new Facebook page dedicated to this blog. If you’re on here but not on my Facebook page, go check it out. I am constantly posting motivational stuff such as above and plan to use it to post short stories about the antics my children get up to. Stuff that’s too short for an actual blog post, but that I feel the need to share with the world anyway. It’s by the same name, So, This Is Real Life. I promise, you won’t be disappointed. 

In regards to yesterday’s post. . . Just a big thank you for the encouraging words I got, privately from friends and publicly from comments. I have reread it after taking a breather, and while I think I said in the post that I don’t fault my mom now for the choices she made, I just want to reiterate that. And when you read the rest, when I write it, please keep that in mind. I have no bitterness or anger towards her. She did the best she could with what she had in her. I really believe that. My mother loved us. I also know that. I hope I’ve been able to convey that adequately. My mom lost a piece of herself with every death, with every set back. So she loved us as much as she could, and she did the best she could. While some may see selfish decisions and lack of responsibility, I saw a broken woman. And for someone as smart and beautiful and fun and kind as she was on her best days, it’s sad that things ended up as they did. 

That’s enough of that for now, though. I have about 45 minutes left of my day. I’m gonna pour another cup of coffee and think about work. Happy Wednesday!

Published by: A. Elizardo

Single mother to two amazing boys, sister to an inspiration, and the daughter of two opinionated, sarcastic, fun loving individuals that are no longer physically with us. Music, writing, reading, my family - living and gone - are what keep me going as I put on my rose colored glasses and navigate us through this crazy world.

Categories every day life, Loss, Parenting, workLeave a comment

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