Flames

This one was mostly written in February of 2022, not long after Authentic. As I mentioned, I was in a phase of heavy self-reflection – I was doing a lot of what was best for me, after years of doing a lot of what was best for everyone else. I was cutting out anything and anyone that didn’t seem to align with who I was. I purged a lot of people and bad habits out of my life during this time. It wasn’t the first time, and it most likely won’t be the last. I’m a firm believer that you can’t have people and habits and things in your life that don’t fit any longer- if a shirt doesn’t fit well any longer, I get rid of it. I don’t save it for a time when it may fit again. Same with people. If they don’t seem to have a place in my life any longer or are dragging me down, in any way, shape or form. . .

I burn bridges.

I burn bridges often, as a matter of fact. I get tired of people’s shit, and I walk away. I barely give it a second thought. I have boundaries and when someone crosses the line, I cut them out – Chalk the relationship up as a loss and move on. There is no conversation about it – If I need to ask you to treat me better, if I need to tell you that I feel you are treating me poorly or taking me for granted, then there’s a problem. We obviously have different ideas about how you should treat others, and we probably have a lot of other differences that aren’t conducive to maintaining a relationship – be it friendship or otherwise.

People now call it ‘boundaries’. They call it ‘self love’. Love yourself enough to not put up with anyone’s bullshit. Walk away. You’re better off without them. Etc., etc.

I call it survival.

Because if someone is not treating me well, or taking me for granted. . . if it is a heavy relationship to carry around, then they are only going to impede my growth. If they don’t have my best interest at heart, if they aren’t trying to grow and better themselves, they are only going to take from me, and possibly even drag me down to their level.

I’ve worked too hard to get where I am – physically, emotionally, and mentally – to get dragged backwards.

I am forever the one to put myself in other people’s shoes though.

So sometimes I wonder if I am making things worse. Not for me – no, I have no doubt that I am making the right choice for me.

No, I mean for the other person. By walking away, am I adding to issues they already have? I believe that how a person treats you is a reflection of how they feel about themselves and not necessarily about how they feel about you – someone who is happy treats people well. Someone who is unhappy often treats people poorly. It’s a vicious cycle. Person who doesn’t love and respect themselves treats me shitty, I cut them out and walk away, and they feel worse and treat others even more poorly than before. . .

Or maybe I’m thinking too much into it. Maybe I do need to do as I have been – be selfish and get while the getting is good. I’ve been in one too many one sided relationships, I’ve experienced gaslighting and narcissists and every type of abuse under the sun first hand. Why should I put myself in a position to experience those things again?

And the thing of it is, I put up with a lot of shit before I burn the bridge. I forgot to mention where I give people chance after chance, I give them the benefit of the doubt, I trust them before I distrust them. . . I even trust them after they’ve done things to break my trust. Ultimately, what ends up happening is they pile up the kindling and douse the whole fucking bridge in gasoline.

The people I’ve walked away from did everything but hold the flame to light the blaze.

Sometimes I question myself. But not often.

As I mentioned in the previous post, there are times when I miss the people that are no longer a part of my journey. I’ve had some really great times with people who I don’t know anymore. There are funny stories, there were times when they were there for me when no one else was, even. There are people from my past that absolutely helped me on my climb for a short while. Somewhere along the way though, they ended up being more harmful than good. They were holding me back, distracting me from what is important in this life, or otherwise ended up being a negative aspect to my life. The relationship was too hard to carry – so I let it go.

I am thankful for the good times, and all the ways they helped me grow.

But I’m also glad that they are not holding me back anymore.

I wish them all well – each and every person who has crossed my path and ended up no longer a part of my life. I have no ill intent, I don’t want harm to come to them. I do believe that Karma steps in where I walked away, but that’s out of my hands. Ultimately, I want them to grow and to flourish and do well in this life.

I just prefer that they live their life away from me. That’s all.

The lesson here is simple – don’t be afraid to do what is best for you, and your growth. Don’t be afraid to let people go that don’t align with your goals, who you are, and who you want to become. Don’t maintain a relationship with someone just because you always have – it’s okay to outgrow people. There’s nothing wrong with walking away from a person or a situation that no longer meets your needs.

Happy Wednesday. May you be strong enough to let go.

Photo by Christopher Burns on Unsplash