Privileged

There was an Amazon delivery at work today, and the guy reminded me of Noah. It hit me again like a ton of bricks that he is gone. No more late night chats about music and kids and cooking and life in general. We’re coming up on a year he’s been gone, and it still shocks me. I can’t believe that my fellow shit talking Virgo friend is gone.

The anniversary of dad’s passing is looming too, and mom’s birthday. In the not too distant future we will bypass another year without my cousin and my grandparents and my uncles, as well.

Time doesn’t heal this hurt – but I’ve found that it does dull it a little bit, and I’ve come to accept it as a part of myself. It still aches to be without these people, but it’s not as debilitating as it once was. My world isn’t made up of all of the loss like it used to be – rather, it is made up of wonderful memories and gratitude. Time helps one gain perspective, I suppose. I miss them, but I am living without them, and will continue to do so – if for no other reason than to enjoy this life I have been given in honor of the life they no longer have.

I miss the advice and the laughter and the music I shared with each of them. I am so grateful I got to have each of them be a part of my story though, and feel privileged to have been a part of theirs.

When Dad passed a dear friend sent me this quote:

How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard

 A.A. Miline  – Winnie the Pooh.

Now that I am years into being so well aquainted with loss, I see better the truth in this quote. Because honestly – how lucky I am to have known and loved these people.

Photo by Mike Labrum on Unsplash