I dropped off of the quote post train last Friday, so let me get back on board with this one real quick.
“Was I deceived, or did a sable cloud turn forth her sliver lining on the night?” – Milton
So, of course this is my favorite topic – always finding the silver lining.
This week has been . . . odd. Like, I knew I needed to get my ass out of bed, I knew I had every reason in the world to be motivated to get up and do the things that I love to do. . . but I didn’t want to. Even after finding some of my motivation yesterday, I still had to give myself a pep talk this morning in order to get up. I had wanted to write an article this morning, but my pep talk took a real long time, and now I don’t have time. So I’m getting my blog post out of the way for the day so maybe this evening I can knock out a couple articles instead of just one.
As I said in yesterday’s post though, I think I needed the break. I got to delve inward and do some soul searching, I got to read a really good book, I got to rest. . . even in my lack of motivation, there is silver lining. I sat there beating myself up every day this week for being a lazy ass, when in reality. . . I was doing something. I was preparing myself for what’s next. Self care is a really big topic right now, and I do agree with the concept. You can’t pour from an empty cup. As long as you don’t use ‘self-care’ as an excuse and a crutch, that is.
I keep saying what a roller coaster life has been lately, and it isn’t untrue. I had no desire for my quiet little life to be disrupted the way it has been. Okay, it’s never been quiet. . . but it had it’s own predictable craziness, and I was happy with how it was. It did get disrupted, and since I don’t do well with change it’s taking me some time to get my head wrapped around everything that has transpired, and the fact that life is looking at being rather unpredictable for the next while. I live for routine and predictability. Sometimes here lately I feel like I’m struggling to find the calm in the storm. Sometimes I feel like I’m working too hard to find the calm I’m so accustomed to having in my soul. Reaching for meditation, for getting lost in my own words. . . I read an article yesterday on Chakras that seemed fairly legit. I knew of Chakras, but not a whole lot about them. The article was about how a Chakra being off kilter could contribute to your physical and mental health, and some of the things in the article were crazy accurate for me. Yoga and meditation, it recommended. So at the end of my evening I did a short session of both. Are my Chakras all fucked up? Is this a legit thing? Maybe. Maybe not. But I can’t see how mindfulness and exercise could be a bad thing, regardless.
Sometimes if feels like I’m trying to gain control of life by doing as much as I possibly can in the time that my eyes are open every day though. This was a thought I had this week, too. Am I over compensating?
No. . . no, I don’t think so. I think it’s more a trial and error type of situation. I am striving to find the calm that I am so accustomed to feeling, but that isn’t a bad thing.
This year has been an absolute clusterfuck, y’all. There is no other word, accept maybe ‘dumpster fire’. But I’m learning new things about myself. I’m learning about new things in general. I’m stretching out of my comfort zone. I’m getting shit done. And am I trying really hard to find my comfort zone again, the calm that I’m so used to feeling? Yup. But you can’t find something if you don’t go looking for it.
Has this year been deceptive? Has it appeared to be one big dark fucking cloud? Oh, yes it has. But there is in fact a silver lining. The silver lining is in all that I am learning, and who I will be at the end of this chapter.
Happy Friday, y’all. Don’t forget to look for the silver lining. I promise that it’s there.