They Should have Behaved Better

I’ve always loved this quote, and I share it any time I come across it.

There’s a lot of stories I don’t tell because of how it casts others in a bad light. Everyone has character flaws, everyone has moments that they were less than stellar humans, everyone has moments of weakness. It isn’t my job to bring these things to light. So instead, I talk about how I grew from how they treated me. I take their negative and turn it into my positive, and hope that someday they will grow themselves. That they overcome their demons, that they become stronger and kinder.

I could go about it as the quote suggests. The things people have said and done to me, good or bad, become a part of my story. I could tell every nitty gritty detail of these wrongs done to me. I could explain in vivid detail how those wrong doings made my life harder, how they hurt me, how it hindered my progress some. . . I could name names. I could point fingers.

But instead I choose to write about how it shaped me. Not what it was that shaped me, but how. What I learned, how I became a better person. I write about my journey, and the positive impacts – even from the bad circumstances.

I don’t point fingers, because they already know. They know that they had an effect on me. They know that they came in like whirlwind and turned my life upside down, that they made me struggle. Whether it was financially, physically, emotionally or mentally, they know what they did.

It’s their cross to bear.

It’s their cross to bear that someone who had nothing but good intentions and love for them was hurt by their actions. It’s their cross to bear that because of their actions I was the one left to deal with the consequences.

But instead of breaking like maybe they thought I should, or would, I rose up to conquer the pain and difficulty. I took their wrong doing and turned it into a lesson of who I don’t want to be, and used it as fuel to become who I am.

I don’t point fingers because maybe they didn’t know any better. Maybe they’ve been so mistreated that they didn’t have the knowledge to treat me right.

I don’t point fingers because everyone has a journey, and everyone has demons to fight. Maybe it was a defense mechanism. Maybe it was a coping mechanism. Who am I to judge? I don’t walk in their shoes every day.

But I do learn. And I do remember.

The thing of it is, a lot of these people who have done me wrong also did my kids wrong. Whether the kids were innocent bystanders, whether they inadvertently hurt my kids, the fact remains that they did. Their actions had an effect on my kids. And that I cannot ignore. I still won’t point fingers, that’s not who I am. Let that also be the cross these people bear, that they hurt my rather wonderful children, who did nothing to them to deserve their actions.

That’s what happens when you are dealing with a mother; your actions against her effect her children.

Thus the reason why I am overly cautious, remain single, and keep my circle small. Because my kids don’t deserve to deal with the consequences of me getting involved with someone who doesn’t have good intentions, or who will decide one day to walk away without even a second thought. It’s already happened more times than I care to admit, more than I think is okay.

I don’t point fingers because these people have enough issues without me calling them out openly. I don’t point fingers because I can sit back and watch karma do what I wish I could do myself. I don’t have to raise a finger – it is indeed true that what you give is what you get in return.

I am a loving person, I am a kind person. But I would be a liar if I said that I didn’t wish for revenge on the people who hurt me and my kids. For every time my kids asked about an individual that walked away, for every time I had to explain to my child why someone won’t be around anymore, for every time that I had to hide my tears from my kids and act like I was fine when I wasn’t. . . I hope that it haunts these wrong doing individuals. I hope that karma gives them a hard time. I hope that they are watching me succeed, I hope that they are watching my kids become amazing humans, and I hope that they regret their choices.

I wouldn’t be human if I didn’t have these thoughts.

But I do also hope that they themselves become better humans and make better choices, that they stop taking out how they were mistreated on other people. That they think harder before they act. I hope that they conquer their demons so other people don’t get hurt by them.

If you think this post is about you, it most likely is. You know if you fit into this category.

If people wanted you to write warmly of them, they should have behaved better.

If you wish this post wasn’t about you, maybe you should have behaved better.

Rest assured, I’m a better person than to call you out on your bullshit openly.

But don’t ever ever think that I didn’t see what you did, that I didn’t feel what you did.

And don’t ever make the mistake of thinking that you had the power to break me.

Because rest assured, you don’t have that kind of power.