Happiness

Last night had me staring at the clock on my phone in horror well past 3am. I have these bouts of insomnia, and always have, ever since I was a teenager. It completely fucked up my early wake up plans though, and my plans to get shit done before I left the house for the day.

I grumpily got up at 10am, well aware that there was no chance I was going to get anything done before I left. I had also forgotten to buy my keurig coffee cups, and all I had left was some less than desirable pumpkin spice shit. I made a cup anyway though, because a morning without caffeine would no doubt end in someone losing at minimum a limb, if not their life. I had zero desire to be up and functioning, and was not in any sort of mood to be communicating with people. I kept to myself as I prepared for my day, knowing that my bad mood would no doubt be perceived as directed at whoever would choose to try to speak to me. I made my coffee, turned on my music, and got to it.

Luck was with me as my hair cooperated, my makeup applied with little to no issues, and the clothes I wanted to wear were easily found.

1130am found me leaving the house in a much better mood than what I had woke up with. The cool air felt like a blessing against my skin, the sun was shining beautifully, the sky a deep blue and cloudless. I pulled my sunglasses over my eyes, turned up the radio, and headed out of town.

I spent the day with friends, embarking on an adventure that I never saw myself going on. The two women – Sophia and a newer friend, Emma – that came with me have been my saviors, and I couldn’t have picked better people to explore the unknown with. We learned a lot, we laughed a lot, and as we sat on Emma’s patio at the end of the day, eating amazing food and drinking ‘light’ margaritas, I once again got that all is right in my world feeling. I truly love my friends. It’s taken a long time for me to find the right ones, but I feel it in my bones that the ones I have now are it. They’re the ones I’ve always needed. I believe that people come into your life when they’re supposed to though, and maybe I wasn’t ready for these type of people before now.

At any rate, I enjoyed my day immensely – good food, good friends, good things learned. My Chaser is home now after being gone for the weekend, I got some shit accomplished this evening after I got home, and now I’m happily in front of Matt’s laptop again, with Papa Roach playing and the window open to the cool breeze and traffic whizzing by on the busy street.

I had to think just a little bit on today’s quote, because at first I took it literally and I wasn’t completely in tune with it. Once I thought around it a little bit though, I found how it fits, and I rather like it.

“Let us read, and let us dance; these two amusements will never do any harm to the world.” – Voltaire

Ya’ll, I don’t dance, at least not in the traditional sense. I mean, I move at concerts, I headbang, but that’s about the extent of any ‘dancing’ I do. So when I read the quote I was like, I mean, I get the reading part, but not the dancing. . .

So, I basically just interpreted it as learning and music, which I am totally on page with.

I couldn’t live without the written word and a good song (or twelve) in my life. I cannot fathom how someone gets through life without music incorporated into it. It’s how I cope and how I celebrate, it’s how I get motivated and how I relax.

I take breaks from books and writing, but generally speaking those parts of my life were wrought with a lot of distractions, and often stressful. Perhaps had I taken time to write a little or read a little through these times I would have been less stressed, a little happier. . . who knows.

These things, music and learning, reading and dancing as the quote says, are happy things – generally speaking, if you’re learning something or enjoying music, you’re not looking to bother anyone else. You’re looking to enjoy what you’re doing, you’re looking to concentrate on the experience, and aren’t really that worried with what everyone around you is doing, or even those not around you. You’re engrossed, as a rule.

In other words:

Worry about the things you enjoy – this quote says dancing and reading, but maybe it’s gardening or maybe it’s crafting or putting puzzles together, whatever it is, worry about what you enjoy, and fuck what everyone else is doing. Doing the things you enjoy isn’t hurting anyone, unless you have selfish people in your life, in which case, fuck ’em. A little louder for the people in the back, in case you didn’t get my point – doing the things you enjoy will do no one any harm, and if people don’t like it, that’s their problem, not yours.

Maybe once again I’m reading too much into a quote, but whatever. I’m taking what I need from the quotes, and apparently I needed to be told that other people’s opinions of my hobbies shouldn’t really matter – as long as I enjoy it, that’s all that matters, and what I do with my time isn’t anyone’s business, nor is it their place to dictate how I enjoy myself, how I find my peace, how I unwind, etc., etc., etc.

I spent my weekend between being social and writing, did a little bit of gardening, and did a lot of learning, a lot of self exploration, and had music seasoning it all. And I thoroughly enjoyed every bit of it.

Except the not sleeping part. That can get the fuck out of here, any time.

I drove well over 200 miles this weekend, and saw a lot of people, many of which I haven’t spent a lot of time with in months. I feel a bout of anti-socialism coming on as a result of being so overly social, and that’s okay, too. I definitely need my time alone. My friends know this about me, and understand it’s how I recharge. Maybe next weekend will be spent primarily at home. . . then again, who knows. I kind of like being out and about, learning things, gaining new perspectives.

Whatever I do, I’m going to be sure to do whatever I feel I need to do. I’m not going to concern myself with what anyone else thinks I should do, I’m going to do whatever my soul tells me I need to do – whether it’s another social weekend, or if I spend it in my garden, or sleeping. . . whatever.

Everyone should live their life, their way – worried about themselves and what they enjoy, as opposed to what everyone else is doing and their opinions. I think the world would be a more pleasant place if more people read more, danced more, and worried strictly about being happy.

Happy Sunday, ya’ll. Take some time for the things you enjoy.