Inspiration

Staying up until midnight and getting up at seven didn’t work for me today. I was drained all day, and my patience was thin.

I fumbled through readying myself for the day, groggy and not feeling a bit of it. It was the last day of the three day week, and I was anxious for the next two days to get started. It was 705am and I was already counting down to 6pm when I could be back in comfortable clothes and sitting on my back deck, enjoying my kids and my home.

As I made my daily trip to Starbucks for my lunch time drink, traffic was insane. Every slow fucking person in the city was out, and anything that can happen on a roadway did. I pulled over for two police cars racing down the road towards me, a landscape truck had the curb lane blocked. . . Frustrated as ever, I switched lanes to get out from behind yet another slow driver, and a string of obscenities flew from my mouth at top volume. A gentleman walking down the street stopped and stared at me as I flew by him, and catching sight of him out of the corner of my eye I rolled my eyes and jumped into the turn lane. I probably looked crazy with my rock music blaring and swear words flowing. I didn’t care.

Somehow I managed to get a lot accomplished at work, despite uncounted interruptions.

And I have not been so happy to get home in months, to just my kids and their antics, my back deck, and peace.

I donned my fuck it shirt – it was definitely the mood –  grabbed an Angry Orchard, started the oven to preheat, and called Sophia. I sat there talking to her for awhile, while the kids jumped on the trampoline. I made dinner, watered my flowers and garden. . . And now I sit here with my feet propped on a chair, Bad Wolves singing to me, and my Angry Orchard. I’ve looked forward to this allllllll daaayyyyy.

Today’s quote is a good one. I like it, and when I read it I was like Ohhhh. Yup. So that’s what I’ve been doing!

“You can’t wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club.” – Jack London

I’m a firm believer, and y’all know this by now, that you can’t wait for shit to fall in your lap. You have to go after it, you have to work for it.

Inspiration is apparently no different, and the thought actually never dawned on me until I read that quote.

My writing has been spotty for over a year. I’ve looked over my stats here on WordPress, and I can see where my stressful stretches are, and when I’m most at peace. I reach for writing when things are clusterfucky. I have so many feelings and things to say, and even if I’m not talking about those feelings, even if I’m not saying all the words I want to say, I’m at least saying something.

I opened the quote book and embarked on a quest of sorts. . . My original plan was to just write about the quotes I liked, but then the one quote I tried to skip spoke to me. So now I’m writing them all, good bad or indifferent. It’s a therapy for me. The exploring of the quotes is secondary to me finding myself again. That’s the real quest. This recent situation changed me, and opened my eyes to a lot. I need to figure out who this new person is that I’ve discovered.

I’m chasing inspiration. Each quote is inspiring me to write something. And it’s inspiring me to think deeply about what I’ve learned, experienced, and delve deeper into who I am as a person.

Similarly, also as I’ve written, every step backwards I’m forced to take inspires me to leap and bound forward.

Take it for what you will, but I don’t stay down long. I always am improving, and nine times out of ten it’s some set back or another that inspires me to do so.

I’m inspired, some fucking how, by setbacks.

I’ve created a list of things I want to accomplish this summer. Generally speaking I’ve sworn off setting goals, my only real goal from year to year is to improve some aspect of my life. But, I see where my life has grown stagnant, so I gotta start somewhere. They aren’t lofty goals – one of them is to just get my tattoos all completed that I want to get for fucks sake – but the goals are something to work towards. Shit to cross off my list of wants.

You have to start somewhere. These smaller goals will get accomplished, and it will inspire me to accomplish more lofty goals, and from there. . . Well, you get the idea.

You gotta chase inspiration. You can’t just wait for shit to happen. You gotta chase it, and accomplish it. Go after it with a club. Turn inspiration into an achievement.

End of story.

And without knowing it, that’s what I’ve done my whole life. In case you haven’t noticed the theme, a lot of these quotes are meant to tell you to stop standing still. To move forward. Do things. Be something. Primarily, be who and what you want to be. And you can’t do that without chasing your dreams, you can’t do that by staying in your familiar little box, and being what everyone wants and expects you to be.

Today the moral of the quote is to look deep, and acknowledge what you want out of this life. Take inspiration from that goal, and go out and get it.

Happy Thursday.