Forgotten post: One

Just a little sidebar on today’s earlier post Soap box; before yesterday’s events I had made a goal to reach out to my extended family this week to see how they are. I was on the phone during my lunchbreak to one of my aunts, and this evening I called another of my aunts. There was no real agenda, other than I knew they had found some stuff in my grandparents home that I may want. But that wasn’t my sole purpose. I spent over an hour on the phone with each of them. And while they said it was good to hear from me, neither of them berated me for my lack of communication. We talked about whats been going on in our respective lives, and we had some laughs, and reminisced about those we have lost. They didn’t make me feel obligated in any way. 

Family doesn’t judge. Family has no expectations. They love you for you. And in this instance I’m talking about my blood relatives, but that isn’t always the case. Family isn’t always blood. It’s the people that love and accept you for you. 

When my dad passed, it was a blow for everyone. He was the oldest of 5, and my grandparents were still alive. They lost a son, a brother. Aaron and I lost our dad. And for a time I wrapped myself in the comfort of being with my family, those who knew and loved him as I had. But then I just couldn’t. I am an empathetic person, and I was feeling their pain while dealing with my own. I wanted to comfort them, and I wasn’t enabling myself to cope and grieve and heal. I pulled away from them. 

And never once did I get guilt from them. I don’t think I talked to anyone in my family for at least six months. Actually, I didn’t talk to anyone but Aaron. Friends or family. I secluded myself and dealt with my grief. And then slowly I began to reach out to family again. Not one time did I hear any of them ask me why I fell off the face of the earth, ask if I was mad at them, nothing. I started to explain to my one aunt on the phone when I finally did call her, and she stopped me. “You don’t have to explain yourself to me, honey.”

Here in the present, both of my aunts thanked me for calling. They appreciated my time, not required or expected it of me. 

That’s what I’m talking about. I give my time when I have it. Tonight was a rainy night, I’m feeling the dampness in my bones (I’m not 20 anymore haha) and I didn’t feel like doing anything but curling up in my big sweater and yoga pants and relaxing. I don’t ever truly relax however, so I picked up my phone and made a call. And the phone call just reiterated what I already knew. Those who truly love and accept you appreciate your time, and hold no expectations.  We didn’t even talk about the person who irritated my soul today. We just talked about whatever came up. 

Don’t ever let someone else make you feel you are less, because there’s someone out there that appreciates you for all that you are. 

Published by: A. Elizardo

Single mother to two amazing boys, sister to an inspiration, and the daughter of two opinionated, sarcastic, fun loving individuals that are no longer physically with us. Music, writing, reading, my family - living and gone - are what keep me going as I put on my rose colored glasses and navigate us through this crazy world.

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