Running

A quick post this morning, as I have a busy weekend planned.

I have another post in its final stages that I hope to post soon, as well.

Somethings bugging me, though.

Very rarely do I dream of my parents. When I do, I take solace and if there’s a meaning to be found, a message they are trying to get across to me, it’s usually rather plain.

For example. I was worried about a situation with brother a couple years ago, and I had a dream where they both made appearances. Aaron was in trouble in the dream, and mom jumped in my car to go get him. Dad met us there. From that I took that they were backing me and the decision I was making, and there for us despite not being physically here.

So. Last night I had a dream that I was still a teenager, living with dad, and I had run away from home. A scenario similar to this really did happen in my life, so there is that. Anyway, the only other thing I can remember is that it was winter, and he did find me and talked me into coming home.

So. . .

So, it didn’t follow the same story line. Because when I ran away it was early fall.

And I’m not a teenager anymore. If home is an idea or feeling rather than a physical, tangible place, as I have come to think now that the home I grew up in is gone. . .

What am I running from that dad wants me to stop running from?

I feel like now, more than ever, I embrace the life I have lived, I embrace my roots and don’t try to be someone I am not. I come from uncertainty and anxiety and dysfunction. But I also come from unconditional love, fun, sarcasm. . . From city and country, from pavement and dirt roads. I am a beautiful conglomeration of two people with two different ways of looking at the world, and have combined them to have a unique outlook on life. I embrace my uniqueness now instead of hiding it as I did for a very long time.

So what am I running from, Dad?

Maybe I’m looking too much into it. Maybe dad just wanted to let me know that no matter what he will never leave my side.

But I really felt like the main message was to stop running.

Your daughter doesn’t do vague, Pops. You know that better than anyone. So if you could just conjure yourself into tonight’s dream and clarify this for me, I would appreciate it.

Also, I miss you. Thanks for visiting.

Published by: A. Elizardo

Single mother to two amazing boys, sister to an inspiration, and the daughter of two opinionated, sarcastic, fun loving individuals that are no longer physically with us. Music, writing, reading, my family - living and gone - are what keep me going as I put on my rose colored glasses and navigate us through this crazy world.

Categories Loss, Random thoughts2 Comments

2 thoughts on “Running”

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