Leap

I started this post over a month ago, and then shit got busy, with a side of crazy, and I wasn’t able to really devote the time to it that it deserved. I pulled it out this morning and decided it was time to finish it, so I can move onto the next quote post.

Sometimes, the only option is to leap.

I can’t count how many times I’ve felt I had no option but to close my eyes and hold my breath and take the plunge into the unknown, in hopes that it would all work out in the end.

More often than not, I was right in my choices. There have of course been times that I was too hasty. Times when I could have stayed where I was and I would have been fine.

I’ve just always had this overwhelming urge to keep moving forward.

And in order to move forward, chances had to be taken.

Sometimes, I just didn’t know what to do. Adulting is fucking hard. There wasn’t anyone around to help me make the hard choices.

So, I did what seemed to be the best option at the time.

I made the choice, and I took a leap of faith. Because after all, everything always works out in the end, right?

Turns out, someone else had this thought, as well.

“Leap, and the net will appear.” – John Burroughs

There is no way to predict the future, and there is no way to determine how your actions will affect the outcome of any given situation. All you can do is trust in yourself.

The hard part is quieting the voice of fear. . . It sounds an awful lot like the voice of reason when life is a mess and shit is continually hitting the fan.

Fear will tell you that you’re not good enough. It will tell you that complacency is the safest route. Or, it will tell you that tucking your tail and running for safety, preferably in the opposite direction, is the best option.

The hard part is determining what is driving you.  Is it fear? Or is it truly the voice that will push you to be your best?

Sometimes, the moves that need to be made are the scariest. So you can move forward, so you can be your best self.

Sometimes, the moves you make may put you not necessarily in the place you envisioned. . . but a lot of of times, you end up just where you’re meant to be.

Life is scary, and hard. And really fucking confusing.

But sometimes, the only option is to leap, and let fate handle the rest.

I took a leap when I moved to Toledo to be with Matt’s father. Our relationship didn’t work out, but I’ve created an amazing life for me and my kids here. I long for the woods and the quiet that my country life held as a child, but I wouldn’t have gotten as far as I have had I not lived amongst the street lights and pavement.

I took a leap when I first walked into my apartment complex office and asked for a job. All I was looking for was a cleaning job to help me make my rent payment, and I ended up an assistant manager. I held that job for two years, with my restaurant job. Then I was offered a full time property manager position, and I again took a leap – I had enrolled in college, and I was offered the position the weekend before I was supposed to begin classes. I dropped the college education in favor of what I was hoping would turn into a career. Here I am, fifteen years later. Still in the property management world, and I couldn’t be happier with my choice. Do I wish I could add college courses to my experience? Sure. But I made a leap and I feel the decision I made was the best one I could have, and provided the best outcome for me and my family.

I had no idea all those years ago where I was going or what I was doing. I just did what seemed to be the best option at the time. I have one-hundred precent been winging it all this time. I did not end up where I thought I would. Nineteen years ago when I moved here, I had a vision of a happy little family, simple and quiet. This life is not simple, and it is not quiet. But it is fulfilling, and fun, and I made it myself. I am so much happier in this reality than the one I created in my mind as a young mother.

I’ve taken chance after chance. I sat on the edge of my safe little world and contemplated my options. . . and ultimately I leapt when I was scared of falling. Nine times out of ten, I made the right choice. Those scary leaps of faith saved my life.

Had I not done the things that I have done. . . made the move, or taken the job, risked a relationship when I was scared of being hurt. . . I wouldn’t be who I am. I wouldn’t have experienced all the wonderful things that this life has to offer. I would be in the same spot I was when I moved here, now almost twenty years ago. Just a bag of clothes and box of books. . . and now I have this whole, amazing life. I wouldn’t have known love, or nearly as much laughter. I guess I wouldn’t know some of the hurt I’ve experienced, either. But even with that. . . I appreciate things so much more because I know what true hurt feels like. I am stronger for the leaps I’ve taken. I am so glad I was brave enough to take those chances and make those moves and do those things that scared the ever living fuck out of me.

I am so glad that I leapt.

Photo by Artem Beliaikin on Unsplash