Fire Within

Five-fifteen and my phone started singing to me, and I reached over and turned the alarm off. I felt behind me for the light switch to the overhead lamp hanging over my bed and turned it on, blinding myself.

“Oh, fuck this. . . ” I mumbled. I tried talking myself out of bed to no avail, and fell back asleep briefly.

At 6am I woke again, and tried turning on my bedside light, as well. Still no luck.

So I ended up rolling out of bed around seven, and grabbed the first items in front of me on hangers in my closet. A grey pair of slacks and a navy blue shirt. Good enough. I was soon singing along to Shaman’s Harvest as I showered, wondering if next week would bring more productivity in the writing department. I rattled off my to-do list in my mind, knowing today was going to be a special kind of hell at work – my punishment for having a day off during the week. I knew that more items would float my way through out the day, and knew before I even got there that I wouldn’t complete my actual to do list.

I wasn’t far from wrong, but at the end of the day when I reassessed my actual to do list, I actually found that I had accomplished quite a bit on it.

Satisfied, I closed my to-do list book, clocked out and headed home.

I walked in to find my Human Unlimited shirt of the month had arrived – I got the t-shirt version of ‘giving a fuck doesn’t really go with my outfit today.’ in magenta. As always, their card was spot on.

Stay Humble – we all have room to grow.

I talked to Sophia as I made dinner, and posted a meme to Facebook that said ‘what do you think my life is like using only GIFs’. I’m happy to report my friends think it’s a mixture of good music, good books and a dumpster fire. That pretty much sums it up. I was highly entertained by their assessment. I sat down and ate with the kids, and suddenly felt the writing itch hitting me pretty strongly. So now here I sit, Shaman’s Harvest singing Country as Fuck and debating this quote post.

“People are made of Flesh & Blood & A Miracle fibre called courage.” – Mignon McLaughlin

I’m contemplating a lot right now, and seeing signs pointing me where I need to concentrate my energies next. I have a full weekend in front of me, with a meeting with brother and maybe a visit to Andy, work on Sunday, and I really really need to get some articles written. And my lawn mowed and garden weeded and my house cleaned and brother’s bills paid andandandand. . . I see a lot of no sleep in my near future.

Between the quote post and today’s Badass quote. . .

#befuckingbrave

This is what I got on this shit, folks.

We are human. We make mistakes. We fuck up and do dumb shit.

And at the end of the day, all we can do is lay our heads down, sleep it off, and get up and do it all again. We can’t sit here and bitch because we don’t like our circumstances, we can’t use excuses to justify why we aren’t improving our situations. . . we have to use the courage that we were born with, and fucking do something about it. Hate your job? Go out and get a new one. Don’t like your vehicle? Find a way to rid yourself of it and get a different one. Want a new house, new spouse, more money, better credit, the career of your dreams. . .

Fucking go out and get it.

I know, it sounds easier than it is. I know because I’ve been there, done that. I spent months cursing my pile of shit vehicle Clarice. I prayed for someone to steal the cursed thing, I wished it would blow up. I posted to Facebook jokingly asking someone to come and ‘torch the bitch’.

But I wasn’t just sitting there, wishing for something to happen. I was making moves towards eventually being able to rid myself of her.

I have worked my share of jobs where I didn’t make enough to even come close to making ends meet. In a period of roughly four years, I had three different jobs. You’re looking at someone who loves consistency, so the fact that I was changing jobs so often could only mean one thing. . .

I was working towards getting a job that I could enjoy, a job where I wasn’t working ridiculous hours for ridiculous pay, a job where my kids and I could have a good quality of life.

We fuck up and we make mistakes, and we are human. Every. Single. Day. But we are also given the gift of being able to turn our fuck-ups around and make things better. It all comes down to that innate courage that resides in all of us. I looked at my kids every day during the times that I was struggling, knowing that I wanted better for them. So I made the leaps. I made the leaps of faith towards new jobs and new vehicles and new homes to try and get us where I wanted us to be. Most recently I took the leap of putting my words out there more openly – in this blog, and in the publishing world. I applied for the content writing gigs. I was setting myself up to be ridiculed and turned away, I was setting myself up for failure. My friends and other followers all over the world give me encouragement, but would actual professionals like how I string words together? I didn’t know. I dug down and found that courage and went for it. . .

And I’m getting paid to write. And I live in a decent house and love my job (most of the time, haha) and have a decent vehicle. . .

Courage, y’all.

You can stay sedentary and unhappy, or you can dig down and find your courage and make shit happen. You have the power to take yourself where ever you truly want to be in life. That fire resides within you, I promise.

Happy Friday. #befuckingbrave

Published by: A. Elizardo

Single mother to two amazing boys, sister to an inspiration, and the daughter of two opinionated, sarcastic, fun loving individuals that are no longer physically with us. Music, writing, reading, my family - living and gone - are what keep me going as I put on my rose colored glasses and navigate us through this crazy world.

Categories Inner Strength, Quotes, Self DiscoveryLeave a comment

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