Brave

So, this shit is a clusterfuck.

I can’t say it any more plainly than that. Every day I just sit in awe as the numbers rise of infected and those who have died, at the news stories, at people not heeding the warnings and going about life like this isn’t a BFD. It is. It is a really big fucking deal. Y’all, you can touch something and get infected and be sick and not know for two whole fucking weeks. My entire house could, at this moment, be infected. My kids could be sick and I could have inadvertently given it to them, and we don’t even know yet. This is the wildest shit I have ever encountered, this is some shit I never thought possible. This is the shit my dad was preparing for with his stockpile of food, and Grandma was preparing for with her stockpiles of stuff, and I rolled my eyes at them. . .

Yet here we are.

I am considered essential as a property manager. I’m not bitching. I’m still getting a paycheck. But I am also going out every day into all of this unknown. My office is locked down to walk in traffic, so at least there’s that. But I still have to leave my home and expose myself, thus potentially exposing my family to this virus.

Let me tell you about walking into a grocery store where they did not have wipes to clean the grocery carts and how dirty I felt afterwards. Let me tell you about having to get gas yesterday and putting hand sanitizer on my hands four times during the process because I have no idea who touched what and when and if the last person who used the pump and digital key pad was infected. . . Or if I myself am infected and don’t know yet, for that matter.

Let me tell you about how now I’m a second grade teacher, and how hard it is to balance it all even with the help I’m getting from the other adults in our lives. Let me tell you about how I’m an introvert but I’m itching to go drink a beer with my best friend and go to a concert and go buy mulch and seeds for my garden and for fucks sake my boys need haircuts and the President just extended social distancing for another 30 days. And as ridiculous as it may seem, I can’t find my preferred lemon scented hand soap for the kitchen anywhere, so now I won’t be able to get the onion smell off my hands when I make dinner. My boys will look like cavemen when this is all said and done, and can a woman with no teaching degree really teach her children effectively? Maybe yes, maybe no.

All of the above seems like piddly bullshit and I know that. Because there are people much more adversely effected by this catastrophe. I’ve seen several reports of missing teens and I can’t help but wonder – are they running away from an undesirable home situation? Or are they just being stubborn teenagers who don’t want to be stuck at home? I’m hearing reports of how many are infected – at this moment I could be sick but I’m not showing symptoms, so there’s that – for the time being. We have enough food to eat and a paycheck coming in still. I do have paid sick leave and short term disability should I need it to fall back on. I am somehow keeping up with the school work demands, and I did have a few seeds that I was able to plant this past weekend. . .

My situation is a helluva lot better than some. I’m grateful for my life as it is. It doesn’t make this any less scary though, and the fear of my kids becoming ill or myself becoming ill and unable to care for them is a real, honest issue.

I have a mantra I live by, and I often post it to the So, This is Real Life Facebook page with a quote that encompasses it – #befuckingbrave. So that’s the point of this post today in reference to the COVID-19 pandemic and how all of our lives are effected by this unprecedented event.

We have to be fucking brave, and we are being fucking brave living in this world we are in at this day, at this time.

If you’re staying the fuck home like you should be, you’re being fucking brave. You’ve given up life as you know it in the interest of protecting yourself, your family, and anyone you could come in contact with should you choose to live life normally.

If you’re an essential worker like myself, going out into the world and not knowing what you’re coming in contact with during your day to day, you’re being fucking brave. If you’re a doctor or nurse or other healthcare provider, you’re really being fucking brave because oh my God, you know you’re coming into contact with people who have it and you’re still going to work every single day.

If you’re home teaching your kids or going to the grocery store for supplies. . . If you’re caring for those who are ill or going out to the store for someone who can’t because they’re elderly or have a compromised immune system, if you’re working in the food industry. . . There’s a million and one ways that we as humans are being fucking brave during this insanity, and I applaud all of you.

And let me just say that this is not easy. It is not easy secluding yourself, or going out to conduct essential business. And some of us aren’t handling it well. Some of us are dealing with elevated anxiety, depression, and other mental issues as a result of the situation. I applaud you, too. Don’t let anyone tell you it’s not okay to feel what you feel. Only you can know how you feel, and I applaud you for moving forward despite what your anxiety is telling you to do.

I have no choice but to go to work, and come home, and make sure my family is cared for the best way I can. No different than before the pandemic, I have to keep putting one foot in front of the other. I have to keep doing so they are taken care of. And in that fashion my situation is no different than yours. We’re all being fucking brave right now. So let’s just take a moment and celebrate that. Let’s celebrate the fact that we’re still doing and being. Even if you are stressed and scared, you’re still moving forward. And that’s the bravest shit that there is right now. Give yourself some fucking credit.

And continue to #befuckingbrave. That’s the only thing getting us through this clusterfuck right now.